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About Me


Name: Elleoz

From: Fort Mill, South Carolina, United States

I am 32 years old and have been married for 6 years. I had two children under 2 (hence the blog name), but now they are actually 3 and 2. Maybe it is time to change the blog name? Drama Queen is 3 and Wildman is 2 (15 months apart to be exact). I have a Bachelor's Degree on Criminal Justice from Applachian State University (Go Apps!) and have been at my current place of employment for going on 7 years.

My Complete Profile

Gotta Read Blogs
  • Whatever Blows My Skirt
  • Clusterfook
  • Apropos of Something
  • Pickleness
  • WouldaCouldaShoulda
  • Morphing Into Mama
  • Troll Baby
  • CPA Mom
  • True Wife Confessions
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  • Genuine
  • Unexplored Territory
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  • Cool Mom Picks
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  • The Plumbutt Chronicles
  • Mommy The Maid

  • Terrific Tenants
  • My Life In The Kid Zoo
  • Finding Yourself Despite Yourself
  • Mama? Mama Come Here!
  • Mommy The Maid
  • Have A Great Rest Of Your Day
  • Its My Life...
  • Hot House Mama
  • Expressions of Love
  • Much More Than A Mom
  • Break In Sanity
  • I Want A Little Sugar...

  • What I Am Reading

    What I Am Listening To

    Monday, January 29, 2007
    Sincerest Apology
    I have hurt the one that I love the most in the whole world. And I am so truly sorry.

    When I started blogging, I never expected for anyone to read my inner most thoughts. The entire reason I started was to give myself an outlet in which to vent and get it out of my system. I don’t have any friends, so there is no one to talk to when I am upset, sad, and/or pissed. Talking (or in this case blogging) is the way in which I collect my thoughts and try to rationalize and calm myself down. Most of the time I am just raging and it truly means nothing. However, those of you that read what I write don’t know what is fact and what is just incoherent bullshit. This is my own personal made-up world. In my mind, they are just words but words can cut like a knife and leave scars that are difficult if not impossible to heal.

    During the process, I few started reading. I think there is a handful out there that read me on a regular basis. One of my newest readers is my husband; otherwise known here as Alpha Male. While I never openly invited him to read my blog, I never tried to overtly hide it either. He knew I blogged, and once I started doing PayPerPost.com I had to write from home so he saw it.

    And he read every single entry (to include comments). While writing my inner most thoughts and spewing forth my frustrations for the world to see, I never took into account how he would feel if he ever read my words. Words that were about him. And my words ripped his heart in two. Something I never-ever wanted or intended to happen. As much as he drives me crazy, I love him more than I ever thought I could ever love another human being (my children excluded of course). I am by no way perfect, and have many more faults than I would like to admit. More than is probably healthy. But the things that I said about him were unfair.

    He is a good man. No…he is a GREAT man. The best man I have ever known in my entire life. And I totally take him for granted. Since the start he has been the most generous and loving man that I have ever known. He will give a stranger the shirt off his back, and he would lay down his life for those that he loves. I so wish that I could be more like him. For as much as I would like to say that I am the same way, I cannot. I would rather live in my own little world. I am selfish. I am a bitch most of the time. I will admit it, and I am not proud of it. That’s probably why I don’t have any friends.

    Everything that I have today is either directly (or indirectly) because of him. My financial stability, my job, my house, my beautiful children. EVERYTHING. I literally owe him my life. He has been the most supportive person in my life and is always there when I need him. He spoils me rotten and he so totally deserves to be treated the same. And I have failed miserably to this point. He has repeatedly put up with my shit and still given me everything that I have ever wanted. Anything I have ever wanted he has provided, even if he had to do without. But I seem to only see when I don’t get my way.

    For all the negative words that I have spoken about him here, to date there is not one positive word to show how much he truly means to me. Not one, and that is wrong on so many levels. I can only imagine how hurtful that was. He deserves more respect that I have shown him here. I didn’t realize that I was so harsh and I apologize. I regret spilling my thoughts out for strangers to see. I am so very, very sorry. I wish that I could take back all the hurtful words ~ undo the pain.

    This is my feeble attempt to rectify the situation. To say I am so sorry for all that has been said and done. I want the world to know how much I love and cherish you. How much I am truly sorry that I have not been the wife you want and deserve. How wonderful, loving and caring you are. How you are the best father any woman could ever ask for. How I couldn’t live without you.

    I love you more than you could ever know Alpha Male. Even though I have a really shitty way of showing it. I hope that someday you can find room in your heart to forgive me. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to find the words to say I am sorry. Nothing I can say can adequately express how sorry I am that I hurt you. I know this won’t take back all the hurt, but I hope it is at least a start.

      posted at 1/29/2007 12:38:00 PM
      6 comments


    6 Comments:
    At Monday, January 29, 2007 2:49:00 PM, Blogger CPA Mom said...

    My heart is breaking for you both. This was a diary for you though and in our diaries we say what we feel at the moment, no matter if we really mean it later. I've been in Alpha Male's shoes - you know that story. But I know how much you love him too. I pray for you both today, to find a place to come together and heal.

     
    At Monday, January 29, 2007 10:23:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I hope everything works out for you two.

     
    At Monday, January 29, 2007 11:54:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

    That was beautifully written and I'm sure when AM reads this he will be as moved as we all were.

    He sounds like an astounding husband a really wonderful person.

     
    At Tuesday, January 30, 2007 11:58:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I've been in your exact situation, so I know how you feel. I really hope that you can work this out and be happy again.

    From reading this, I can tell you love him very much.

     
    At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 1:56:00 AM, Blogger EC said...

    Hmmm... I came up as anonymous - I wonder why! I'm comment #3

     
    At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 11:25:00 PM, Anonymous Much More Than A Mom/The Opinionated Parent said...

    Aw, the poor guy. I hope he understands that it's just venting and that he forgives you. I'm sure you're a great wife. We all need to vent sometimes.

    Re: your NHL post...GO FLAMES GO!

     

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