Speaking of...I have been trying to keep myself as busy as possible so that the time away from DQ will go faster. Up until last night I thought I was doing pretty good. I had shed a few tears here and there, but for the most part I was enjoying the time with Wild Man and having a somewhat quieter house.
But that all changed last night for some reason. What prompted it I am not absolutely sure, but all I know is that I miss my little girl so much now that it physically hurts. All I want to do is cry. I want to leave RIGHT NOW to go see her. But I still have 2 more days. Last night I didn't get to say more than two words to her. I think that was the breaking point.
She was tired and in a foul mood. I can tell that the novelty of "camping with maw-maw and pop-pop" is wearing off for her. I can tell she is tired. I can tell she wants her Mommy and Daddy. I know that Mommy wants her. But how do you make a two year old understand just a few more days? I'm just ready to get there already.
It doesn't help that if it wasn't for this stupid meeting that I have Thursday afternoon, that we could be on the road tomorrow night. But I have to be here for it. I keep telling myself that. But I am very sad and nothing is going to change that.
Oh, and I have to add that Alpha Male is an insensitive boob! Last night I came to bed crying. All I wanted to do is be held and comforted for a little while without having to "instruct" him to do so. This all translated to him that I wanted a little action. So here he is rubbing and molesting me all the while I have tears running down my cheeks and I am holding back to sobs that I fee.l. The last thing on my mind was sex. And then he gets all mad about it. Men are so freaking clueless sometimes. I am dreading going home. Maybe I'll just cook dinner and go to bed. Fake a migrane of something?
Anyway, tomorrow is Wildman's eye appointment. Keep your fingers crossed that we don't have to patch anymore. He and I are both sick to death of it.
1…. Biting my fingernails.
2.... Drinking too many Mountain Dews. I am so addicted. It isn't even funny.
3.... Being such a pessimist. I have to start looking on the bright side of things or I am going to drive myself crazy!
4.... Eating too much sugar. No wonder I have gained a LOT of weight.
5.... Watching movies/shows that make me sad. This doesn't help my seemingly perpetual state of meloncholy.
6.... Watching too much reality TV. I am a reality TV whore. I really am.
7.... Losing my patience with my children & husband.
8.... Wearing my heart on my sleeve.
9.... Being unmotivated and unproductive at work.
10.. Not taking more pride in my appearance. Most days I really don't give a flip.
11.. Not showing my husband enough attention. I think if I took time for him he just might make my life a little easier.
12.. Not letting go of the past.
13.. Spending way too much time reading other people's blogs!
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I did have myself a good cry right after she left though. Silly, but the cat has ben a part of my family for 6 years. She was sweet. I just hope she is happy. How to tell Drama Queen when she gets home. Maybe she won't notice :) Wild Man was so sweet though. I was sitting on the couch crying my eyes out, and he came over and gave me a hug and had this concerned look on his face. He let me hold him until I felt better. What a sweet boy I have.
So that's it I guess. I am flea bombing the house as we speak. I'll be making the trek home during my lunch hour to open the windows and air out the house. Tomorrow the carpet cleaners are coming. Alpha Male is going to Harrah's tomorrow night so I am all alone. I was going to go scrapbooking, but if he isn't home I can do it there. I'll get a lot more done with no interuptions anyway. Either that or I will finish that bottle of wine and pass out. Either sounds good to me.
I'm still thinking of a Thursday Thirteen. When I come up with something good, I'll be back.
Go visit my renter. She's been a great tenant.
Other than missing my girl, things are pretty slow around these parts. Wild Man is doing great in his big boy bed. I have to take a picture of him in it in the morning. He looks so small in that big bed. Every morning he is curled up at the foot of the bed like a little bean. We put pillows along the edge of the bed so he won't roll off. So far so good. We haven't had to do the nap time thing yet though. This weekend might be a challenge. I am still debating whether I want to bring the pack-n-play with us to NY next week. I am thinking it is a good idea since he is just starting out.
We STILL have to cat. A lady is supposed to come look at her tonight. I so hope she doesn't stiff me. I don't know what it is about people from craigslist. Everytime someone says that they are coming over, she stand me up. I have to get rid of her now. I went ahead and scheduled the carpet cleaners to come Friday morning, so she had better be gone or I'll have to reschedule. I want to get all this over and done with. And of course that means I have to dip into the vacation money to pay for it, but it needs to get done so I have to deal I guess.
Anyway, I am trying to get motivated and get some work done today. I was doing well for awhile and then it all went to pot.
Go see my renter! She is only here for a little longer and she is wildly more entertaining than me!
What a weekend. I don't want to ever go through that must stress and heartache ever again. I hope someday Alpha Male realizes just how much I love him. I must for giving away my animals for him.
I spent the day hanging around the house. The family that was interested in Shorty said they would be by around 6 pm so I decided to stay home with Wild Man and spend a little time with my puppy before he left. Alpha Male took Drama Queen out for a goodbye dinner and to shop for a toy for her from here Daddy. The people coming for the dog called and said they were running a little late, were grabbing a bite to eat and we should see them shortly. This was 6:10 pm.
At 7 pm the IL's show up to visit for a minute and pick up Drama Queen. AM was trying to keep DQ out of the house until the dog was gone. We sat around and waited. No doggie- adoption people. At 7:30 pm I called AM and told him to come on home. We would deal with it if they took Shorty while DQ was here. I gave the kids baths and as soon as I was finished the people came for the dog.
OMG! Their little boy (who is 5) was a little demon. I swear I didn't think we would make it out with our house in one piece. As soon as he came in the door he blew right past us and went straight for DQ's toy in her room. I have never seen anything like it. And he had NO INTEREST in the dog. The husband and the twin boys (who were 16 months and adorabel) loved him though.
While hurricane crazyboy was destroying my house, we were trying to also visit with the IL's and get everything situated for DQ to leave. The couple stayed for almost 1.5 hours! Whooo wee! They were nice enough though. We put WM to bed and said our goodbyes to DQ so they could get her to bed and finish packing. It was probably a good thing it worked that way. I couldn't burst into tears with a house full of strangers now could I?
In the end they did take Shorty. I emailed her to see how he was doing. The most timid of the twins has become Shorty's shadow. The new owner says he misses us, but he is getting taken for walks everyday and being brushed all the time so I know that he has a good home. He is getting more attention with them than we ever gave him. He is having some issues with eating, but he is probably nervous still (he has a nervous stomach). I emailed her a few ideas. I hope they work.
My son is no longer a baby :*( Alpha Male has been wanting to put him in his twin bed for several weeks but I was reluctant. Well, Sunday he got a wild hair so Wild Man is now sleeping in his twin bed. He amazes me with how well he transistions to everything. He never fussed when we took the bottle away. He is now feeding himself like a champ (even though it took awhile) and will eat practically everything in site. He is sleeping in his big boy bed like he has been his whole life. I have pillows lining the side of the bed that isn't against the wall so he won't roll off. But he lays down and goes right to sleep. No fussing, no crying, no waking up. Simple as pie. He didn't take a nap that first afternoon, but he was overtired, in a new bed, and sometimes he just does that. I was terrified that he would be up all night, but as usual I am the one holding him back.
I had training in Charlotte yesturday. What a waste of time. Oh well...it wasn't on my dime.
For some reason or another I missed Drama Queen more today than I have since she left. I guess it is because I hadn't really talked to her. She would do the "hi Mommy" on the phone and that was about all I could get out of her. I sat in her room on her bed and cried for awhile last night. As much as she grates on my nerves, nothing beats her hugs and kisses at the end of a long day. But she is having a great time and that is what really matters.
I got to talk to her for a few minutes last night. Just to hear her say she loved and missed me was enough to ease the ache in my heart a little. Only 10 more days until I can hug my little girl again!
Tonight there is someone coming to meet the cat. I am sure they will take her. I am ready to just get it all over with at this point. The longer I have her, the more I don't want to give her up. And we really need to get this all taken care of before we leave next weekend. It just sucks that it has to be this way. I am trying to look on the positive. I will save ALOT of money by not having to buy food and vet bills. Funny... that doesn't make me feel any better.
Anyway...gotta get back to work. Go check out my renter.
Oh, and how do you like my new look? Anyone know how to change the color of the font and position on the header?
Tomorrow is D day. The IL's are taking Drama Queen away for 12 whole days without me. :insert sobbing here: I have done my best to push it out of my mind but now that the day is before me I don't have a choice but to think about it. It hit me last night that it was my last time to give her a bath until I see her September 1st since I am going to a scrapbooking crop at a friends house tonight. As I was packing all her stuff (oh God please don't let me forget anything "important") I was choking back to tears. What ever will I do without my little girl for so long? I swear, if the MIL gives me the "out" once more I just might take it.
And then...Alpha Male had his allergy & CT Scan this morning. See his sinuses (is that a word) are so bad that the specialist was amazed he could even breath and ordered a CT scan & allergy test so he could see what was going on. And it isn't good. I haven't heard yet what the CT scan concluded, but AM is allergic to everything...including my dog & cat. :insert more sobbing here: Supposedly, any score above a 5 is severly allergic. Well AM scored the following: cat = 7, dog =9, dust =13, & oak =11, just to name a few. So this means I have to say goodbye to my beloved Shorty & Sabrina.
I am beyond sad right now. I have had Sabrina (the cat) since before we got married and Shorty (the dog) since right after my gastric bypass. We are talking 6 years here people. And oh how Drama Queen loves her kitty. She HAS to hug and kiss her goodnight every single night. What am I going to tell her?Not to mention that I have never gone without a pet in my lifetime. No more furry animals for me to love ever. So sad :( I am hoping that I can find good homes for them before we leave for NY so that it won't be as hard on Drama Queen on her return. I am going to flea bomb the house and have the carpets professionally cleaned too.
Needless to say, many tears have been shed by me today. This day sucks. Can I fast forward to next month? I so don't want to deal with this anymore.
Weight issues and weight loss seem to be a commen theme around the blogs that I read on a daily basis. Like here, here, and here. Everywhere I look there are blog stating that they need to lose weight. Made me think that maybe this was a sign that I needed to get off my lazy ass and do something about my current state of blubber.
I will say now that I weight @ 265 (Ouch, that hurt) and I must lose it. I was almost at a point pre-babies that I felt good about myself. Now I am in a constant state of annoyance and disgust. I try not to let it over-take me but I can't seem to get out of this rut I am in. I have always said that I want to weigh under 200. I don't really care if it is 199 or 170, just somewhere under 200. I haven't seen that in a long time. I would love to be at 180, but I will take baby steps.
Some people may think 180 is a lot of weight and it may be, but I will be happy if I get there. I won't be in plus sized clothes anymore if I get there. I am a "shapely" woman so I carry my weight well, or so I have been told. I am 5'9" tall so height is on my side as well.
At my lowest weight after the surgery I wore a 16-18W pant and a 14-16W top. I am now in a 22W pant and a 18 top. I kept telling myself..."I just had a baby". Well, that baby is now 16 months old. I have turned back into the emotiona junk food eating slob of yesteryear and I am sick of it. I vow that I am going to do something about it and soon.
I also wonder if it is possible to have PPD past a year. I can't remember a day when I haven't cried at least once since the birth of my son. I have seen two counselors and neither has seemed all that concerned, but it things haven't improved wouldn't you say something is going on. I don't want to rely on a pill to solve my problems, but at the same time I am wondering if being prescribed something just might help, even for a little while. But who do I talk to about this? What do I say?
Anyway, I have always admired Carnie Wilson (of Wilson Phillips & now Celebrity Fit Club fame). She had the surgery about a year ahead of me and I always looked to her as hope and inspiration. And now to see that she has gained weight too has shown me that the surgery is defineatly not a fix all. I knew it wouldn't be but getting rid of old habits is hard! It also doesn't help that SIL#1 had the surgery a year ago and went from a size 24/26 to a Size 4/6. I am very proud of her, but I am the fat one again and that sucks! I have been watching Carnie on Fit Club and watching her has helped me realize that I need to take control again.
Alpha Male and I are going to start the diet Dr. Ian from the show has most of them doing, the Fat Smasher Diet. It is a lot like the South Beach Diet, but so more doable for me. The first 9 days (Detox) you can basically have nothing but fruits and vegetables, but after that you start to add healthy foods and meats back. After 90 days, you have retrained your mind and body to think and eat healthy. And it doens't take away everything you ever crave. Everything in moderation. And the testimonials on the website are truly amazing. I am excited to start, but I'm not sure if I should start it now, or wait until I get back from my vacation in a few weeks?
What do you think? Should I start now or wait? Want to join me?
Benji won! I think that his response was priceless and it couldn't have come to a more deserving guy. He has been my favorite since the very first show.
While I hate to admit that I watched this show on most occassions, it has definately made me want to learn how to dance. I would give anything to be able to do the things that these kids were doing throughout the season.
Anyway. Not that he will ever read this but...congrats Benji! You rock!
Drama Queen just loves her sucka!
Wildman in the tub. Punk baby!
I have been a bad landlord and not done near enough pimping. I so apologize. I promise to do better next time.
So please go hang out over there. She so deserves it more than me.
The IL's are taking Drama Queen to Niagara Falls NY for 12 fun-filled days without Mommy & Daddy. We have been planning it all summer and I have been dreading it the entire time. While it will be nice to not have to deal with the temper tantrums and other "blessings" that come along with a 2 year old, I am so going to miss my baby. The longest I have ever gone without seeing her was 4 days. And that was for a work conference. Every time I think about it I start to cry.
What will I do for 12 days?
Granted I will still have Wildman with me. Alpha Male and I have been discussing whether we want to wean him from his pacifier during this time. Part of me wants to since he hasn't become so attached that it is annoying. We are hoping the MIL will "lose" DQ's while there and if I can get WM off it too then we are a "diddy-free" home! Whoo hoo! But the other more sensible part knows that I should wait since we will be making the drive with him August 31st to go up there to get her an spend a week camping.
What to do?
Then there is the big boy bed. We bought Wildman a twin bed at a yard sale recently for $20! It is actually the top bunk of those wooden bunk beds with the bookcase headboard. It is eally close to the ground so we thought it would be perfect. I bought him new sheets and a compforter and everything for it. I am kinda ready for the move, but I don't know how he will be. He is just now getting the hang of how to get down off of things and I am terrified that he will fall. We always have Drama Queens toddler bed if we need it, but it isn't musch lower than the twin and we have a rail for it. What would you do?
I have so much more to say, but I don't want to bore you. I am probably going to be MIA for a while. I have been putting off a major project and I have to get motivated and do it. My job is on the line in December if I don't do a good job. I will try to post at least once a week though so that everyone knows that I am alive.
Have a good one!
Go. There. Now.
And tell her I sent you :)
Travis is SEX-AY!!
I know he is just a baby....but damn he is fine! Makes me wish I was 18 again.
I hate to admit it, but I love this show. I wish that I was a dancer. It is incredible what they can do with their bodies. And they all look damn sexy doing it too. I am a dork I know, but they are coming to Charlotte and if tickets are too expensive I am soo there.
Here's a recap of the highlights of the weekend~ Whoooo!
- Got in a fuss with Alpha Male over me going to my weekly (which I haven't been to in almost a month) scrapbook night. On the 1st and 3rd Fridays, the local scrapbook store holds a crop from 6-11pm. It is nice bacause you have free run of the store and access to all her cool tools. His beef was that he doesn't "see" me all day since I don't see a point in coming home just to turn right back around in the same direction from which I came. He claims he wants to see me if even for a few minutes and he is fine with me going if he can see me. I still don't understand it but whatever. I ended up coming home, scarfing down a piece of pizza, cleaning up the kids and making it there at 6:15. I think I got 6 pages done... haha
- Alpha Male let me sleep in and cooked us all pancakes. Very sweet of him. Wildman proceeded to eat four...yes FOUR pancales all by his little self. I don't know where he puts it all. His little belly was as hard as a rock.
- It was tax-free weekend so I tried (to no avail) to talk Alpha Male into letting me purchase a laptop since I would be saving money. Did I get said laptop? nope. I do have access to one, but it isn't mine and I just know as soon as I learn to love it like my own that she (MIL) will come calling for it back . Not to mention it needs a new battery and I am not going to invest my money into someone else's computer.
- Ended up going to a few yardsales. Alpha Male bought a few of those magnetic key holder things, Drama Queen got a large stuffed Simba, and I got a book. Oh, and AM got a hideous brown and yellow mushroom canister set. I have to get a picture up here of it. It is awful, but he insisted that his deceased mother had one just like it and he had.to.have.it. AM is the king of all things redneck and ugly. Ugh!
- I did discover ( and later purchased) a bookcase for Wildman's room. It needs a good coat of paint, but it goes really well with his room decor and it was only $10! And it isn't that flimsy particle board crap that they sell at Walmart. It is solid wood (aka heavy as hell). It appears to be an old TV Armoire that was repainted. I'll post a pic as soon as I can. It had a mathinc dresser too, but it was sold, darn it. Oh well.
- Had the pleasure of mowing the grass. Weee! Of course the I-pod batteries died within 5 minutes of starting. It was nice out (only @ 89 degrees- get me a sweater!) so I enjoyed being outside for awhile.
- We volunteered (or were volunteered) to help with the nursery at church. They have recently had to split the nursery up due to the large number of kids there now. This is a good thing. True signs of a healthy church. And it was all fine and dandy. Wildman was a little unsure about not having his sister in the same room, but he did fine. We figured since there were two of us that one would go in the 0-2 room and the other would be in the 2-3 room. Nope, we were both in the 2-3 room. Which is fine except I think there were five total kids in there. Whereas, there were about 10 in the 0-3 room. Whatever, itn's my show. We survived even though I thought I would never get rid of one little girl there for awhile. I was a little peeved that they asked for Wildman's juice cup, and when we went to check on him he was sucking away at some other kids cup and no one thought to take it away. Swap them germs boys!
- Went to see my Pa-paw. I feel bad since I haven't seen him since Nanny passed away in April. Life just gets busy and truth be told I was avoiding my aunt. And I don't really know what to say to him other than I love you and do you need anything. We never had that sit down and talk relationship. That's what me and Nanny always did. Pa-paw always had the $20 bill and candy. But it was good to see him. His face lit up when he saw the kids and he pumped Drama Queen full of salt water taffies and apple fritters before we left. I haven't seen him that happy in a long time. While I know that he must miss Nanny terribly, I'm sure it is a relief to not have to take care of her every need anymore. I must go see him more often and come bearing candies. :)
- Watched Big Brother! James is so going home this week. At least I hope so.
That's about it. If you made it all the way through that I am proud! Give yourself a salt water taffy on me!
Please take a moment of two to stop by my new renter, Mama? Mama Come Here! Kel comes to us from the Twin Cities. I have been a reader of her blog for awhile now, and must say that I can totally relate. She is a married, working mom of two boys. Her posts are witty and she has a terrific snese of humor. Right now she is going through some pretty tough times, and could definately use your cyber hugs.
Now, on to the madness...
Alpha Male has a snoring problem. He has snored since the day I met him (or the first night I slept over at his house~ which ever you want to count), but it is totally out of hand. In the past, he would only snore when he was deep asleep and on his back. Now it is within 15 minutes of him going to sleep and it doesn't matter how he lays. He even snores on his side. And of course...his prefered side to sleep on is now facing me so he might as well just stick his nose in my ear. Nothing like the symphony of chain saws to lull you to sleep.
I am a pretty light sleeper but it used to not bother me once I was asleep. Add to that the fact that if I nudged him he would roll on his side and all were happy. Well not anymore. He is pissed because I keep waking him up. I am pissed because I don't get more than maybe 4 hours of good sleep per night unless I sleep on the couch. Who wants to sleep on the couch in their own home all the time? I would have used to say not me....but now? HELL YEAH!
I have even resorted to sleeping with my MP3 player blasting as loud as I can stand it so that it will drown out the South Carolina Chainsaw Massacre going on to my left. Nothing. It helped a bit, but then I would wake up to the songs playing since I haven't had time to put more mellow music on. The music of (don't laugh) Madonna, N'Sych, and No Doubt aren't exactly sleeping music. Last night I decided to give classical music a try. That would have been great if the stupid radio DJ would have shut the hell up. But every time he started talking I would wake up. Not to mention I dont' really like this option since I can't hear the kids if they wake up. Wait a sec... that might be a good thing.
It didn't help that I had to work 15 hours yesterday either. It was National Night Out and my dumb ass volunteered to help represent the City. In 100 degree weather. What was I thinking? So, needless to say I am tired, grumpy, and frustrated. I feel bad that I am starting to take it out on Alpha Male, I know he can't help it. But damn...it would be nice if he would acknowledge the fact that he is the reason I am not getting any sleep and not be an ass about it. Sorry I am bitchy buddy. At least one of us is sleeping right? And to your response of I am not letting you sleep? HELLO! You are snoring=you are sleeping. DUH!
And of course this morning he just had to start slamming cabniet doors at 5:15 am. Thanks for waking Drama Queen up. I apperciate her coming to our room and insisting on watching cartoons in our room while I try to squeeze out an additional 30 minutes of sleep. That was just great. At least she was quiet for a few minutes and let me get dressed in peace.
Maybe I'll try a big glass of wine before bed tonight. Make my ass pass out one way or another. All I can say it this sucks and he has an appointment with a EENT specialist next week.