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About Me


Name: Elleoz

From: Fort Mill, South Carolina, United States

I am 32 years old and have been married for 6 years. I had two children under 2 (hence the blog name), but now they are actually 3 and 2. Maybe it is time to change the blog name? Drama Queen is 3 and Wildman is 2 (15 months apart to be exact). I have a Bachelor's Degree on Criminal Justice from Applachian State University (Go Apps!) and have been at my current place of employment for going on 7 years.

My Complete Profile

Gotta Read Blogs
  • Whatever Blows My Skirt
  • Clusterfook
  • Apropos of Something
  • Pickleness
  • WouldaCouldaShoulda
  • Morphing Into Mama
  • Troll Baby
  • CPA Mom
  • True Wife Confessions
  • Hot House Mama
  • Mama? Mama Come Here!
  • Genuine
  • Unexplored Territory
  • Lil Duck Duck
  • Glamorous Redneck
  • Finding Yourself Despite Yourself
  • Cool Mom Picks
  • The Creative Soul
  • The Plumbutt Chronicles
  • Mommy The Maid

  • Terrific Tenants
  • My Life In The Kid Zoo
  • Finding Yourself Despite Yourself
  • Mama? Mama Come Here!
  • Mommy The Maid
  • Have A Great Rest Of Your Day
  • Its My Life...
  • Hot House Mama
  • Expressions of Love
  • Much More Than A Mom
  • Break In Sanity
  • I Want A Little Sugar...

  • What I Am Reading

    What I Am Listening To

    Wednesday, May 31, 2006
    WTF?!? (03/28/06)
    All I can say is WTF? After this past weekend, I thought that things were starting to look up for me. Man was I wrong. I don't know what is going on, but stop the train cause I want to get off!

    The weekend was great (well sort of). DH went to Cherokee for the night with his Dad. The kids and I went over to MIL's to hang out until the kids went to bed. She volunteered to keep them so that meant a night all alone and I got to sleep in the next day. WONDERFUL! We watched North County. It was ok, but not great.


    Then there's Monday.

    Those of you who know me, know that DH and I go to Cherokee to the Harrah's casino a lot (about once a month); especially in the fall/winter since the IL's are home to watch to kids. Heck, wouldn't you go for a free weekend in a 4 star hotel, with everything included (meals & concert tickets)? I think so. I don't go to gamble much, I might spend $40 maybe; I would rather stay in the room and sleep, read or watch TV. Well, I get called into my supervisor's office yesterday afternoon. Basically, he believes that DH and I have a gambling problem. "I have been distracted lately, my work hasn't been up to my normal standards, and we go to Cherokee too much." I was banking comp time for Dr. visits and general time off since I don't have a lot of vacation time due to taking the kids to the Dr. and maternity leave. I was told that I could bank time for Dr visits but not for taking time off to go out of town. That is a load of bull, since when does he dictate where I can go with the leave I have earned? He even went so far as to recommend that DH go to the EAP (Employee Assistance Program) and that DH is gambling away money that my kids need. I wanted to defend myself and my husband. My kids have never gone without and it greatly offends me that he would insinuate that they do. Compared to other couples, we have outstanding credit and never low debt. And besides, what business it is of theirs anyway?

    I am pretty sure I know where his "source" is coming from but that is fine. I will do my job and go home. I will keep my mouth shut and no one will know anything else about me. Making me work harder is going to make them work harder too, but that's fine by me. Whatever. I am so hurt and I feel so betrayed. After working here for 6 years, I thought that there were certain people that I could trust and have a "friendship" with but I guess not. There are two people that I can talk to here and that's it. That is really sad that I can't have camaraderie with these people. I thought I was going to work here forever and retire an old lady, but now I am beginning to wonder.

    Anyway, today is another day. Live and let die right?

      posted at 5/31/2006 09:55:00 AM
      0 comments


    Been Awhile (04/27/06)
    Sorry it's been awhile since my last post. Most of the time I post here at work and words can't describe how crappy my computer is here. Oh well...I'll keep using it until it blows up!

    DH and I got into another argument tonight. I have to say that I totally deserved it and I feel like the world's worst parent right now. DD has had an ear and eye infection for a little under a week and she had to get eye drops 3 times a day. Needless to say she hates it and as soon as she sees me coming she starts screaming and fighting me. Last night was no different except that I was in a hurry. DH had said he was on his way home so I would be able to go to my line dancing class. Long story short, I totally lost my temper and was basically screaming at her to try to get the drops in. I.am.a.horrible.horrible.mother. Of course DH walks in right in the middle of my meltdown and is terribly disaapointed in me. DD never fights him and she quiets down and in the drops go. Made me feel even worse. Then I have to make a comment so guess what....no line dancing for me. We spent the rest of the night "discussing" how horrible a person I am.

    I am mean to him. I don't pay him enough attention. I take out my frustrations on him because he is all I have. I don't do it on purpose and most of the time I don't even realize that I am doing it until it is too late. I say I'm sorry but I guess it doesn't have to same meaning when you say it too many times. I have to say that my OCD is getting the best of me at those times. Things have to be a certain way or it drives me crazy. And I can't concentrate on anything else until it is done. There is so much to do that I ignore him and get annoyed with DH more than I should. He is a good man and he deserves better than that. I am really scared that my marriage will fail. DH basically said last night (and in previous conversations) that he doesn't care to do anything with me anymore and that he guesses we need to live seperate lives. He also said that he secretly hopes that if he pushes me away enough that I will just stay away. Ouch! That hurt! I have to make a conscious effort to be nicer to him and show him how much he means to me. My life has been so blessed and I really need to learn to be grateful for the things that I have and not be disaapointed in the things that I don't. There are so many other people that are way less fortunate than me. I am being selfish and it has to stop. But where do I begin? Therein lies the problem...I just don't know.

    I am worried about my son. I keep hoping and praying that his eye will get better. In reality, I can tell it isn't and it seems like his right eye is starting to turn too. I hope that I am being paranoid. DH and I also had a long talk about DS. I know that I baby him and it is probably my fault that he isn't farther along than he is. Add this to the guilt list. It is a mile long by now. I am working with him on eating more table foods, but he just isn't interested at all. We are making a little bit of progress but it is slow. Forget about self fedding at this point. Doesn't care about it at all. He did play with his fruit and pick up the animal crackers. That's a start right? Dr. P wants him on pediacare to increase his calories. I understand his thoughts because he is sliding down the "scale" but now he knows the difference and he will fight to drink regular milk without it. I would rather he be a little small than be more picky than he already is. I also think that I am overfeeing him in the evenings. I am not sure how much he "should" be eating, but he throws up a little bit every evening. I doubt it is that he isn't burping because most of the time he does burp before he gets down. I think I am going to try feeding him a little less and see if that helps.
    Whoever said that parenting was easy lied! And I thought that the second one would be a piece of cake since I had already done it once. Must be Mommy Amnesia cause I can't remember nothing that I did with DD. I am just as insecure and worried this time around as last. [sigh] What to do?

    Saturday I am going to an all day scrapbooking crop (that is unless DH forbids me to go). I am so excited. I think that will be my new obsession. LOL But it is getting expensive. I want my pages to be soo cute but I haven't the first clue how to start. haha. Guess I can learn. I ordered 200 pictures of the kids for their books. I just hope that I get them before Saturday.

    Anyway, I need to get back to work. I got in trouble again today because I forgot a 2 in an email to the Department. Can you believe that? How ridiculous! I know I left it out but come on!

    Have a great day everyone!

      posted at 5/31/2006 09:55:00 AM
      0 comments


    A Little Better Today (03/24/06)
    Today is a better day. I think I was feeling sorry for myself a lot yeaterday. Sorry about that. The stress of life just gets overwhelming sometimes. Being an adult sucks somedays.
    DH and I talked for awhile last night. Instead of fussing at him I decided it was better for everyone that I just keep my mouth shut. It is surprising that it actually prompted DH to talk to me for a change. I told him that I was a little depressed and lonely...pretty much what was on my blog yesterday. He said that I could go out and do things, I just need to tell him when I want to go. I should have gotten that in writing LOL! I bet the next time I want to do something he won't want me to go. We talked about options to things to do. There are plenty of things I could do; the question is what do I want to do? That seems to be the problem. I am going to start looking into things and find something.

    Of course, my only friend (the one with the new baby) invited me over to chill with them tonight. DH is going to Cherokee with his Dad tonight so I am considering it. Of course, DD has a runny nose so I am a little scared that she is coming down with something. I would feel horrible if she gave the baby a cold. I'll have to see how she is when I get home.

    Exciting stuff huh? haha OH, I almost forgot! I called the insurance company back to check on DS's claim that was denied due to no precertification (that actually didn't need it anyway). It was approved and they will be reprocessing the claim. AND his claim from Dr. Saunders is only $110! WHOO HOO!! I just might have a little bit of money left over after all this is done. What to do? Finish my teeth or buy a laptop? hmmm

      posted at 5/31/2006 09:54:00 AM
      0 comments


    Random Thoughts (03/23/06)
    Let me apologize first for the ramble I am about to compose:

    I'm sad. I'm not really sure why exactly, but I am. I guess it's a culmination of a lot of things all rolled into one. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't have any real friends, not ones that I can go and hang out with. Sure I have lots of internet friends and that is great for "talking" but I don't have anyone that I can run to and cry on their shoulder of laugh with. I think that might be part of the problem too. I am lonely.

    I love my husband and he truly is my best friend but he doesn't undertand me and a lot of the time he is the reason I need to talk to someone. I sometimes wonder what is wrong with me? Why can't I keep friends. But I know the answer...I don't have time and I am horrible at keeping in touch with those that I don't see on a regular basis. That is something that I need to work on I know.

    I am a member of an online group of other mothers from all over the US. I love them all dearly, but I have almost given up hope of meeting any of them. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't be better off leaving the board, but I love them all dearly. It just kills me that I will never truly know them. Does that make sense?
    I don't have anything that I can go and do outside of the home for me. I was taking Karate but I really couldn't afford it and other things kept coming up and keeping me from going. Besides, I can't see myself beating myself up for fun... no thanks! I have found a group that is meeting to do an all day crop thing so I am hoping that I can do that.

    I worry about my kids. Am I being the best mother that I can be to my two beautiful children? Many days I don't think so. DD is very smart and does things that I would never think she would know how to do at 2, but there are many things that she can't/doesn't do that others her age can (ABC's, 1-2-3's, etc) and I know that I don't work with her as much as I could. Her daycare is a home daycare so they don't do that kind of thing. DH and I will probably moved them once they get a little older prior to starting kindergarten. And then there's DS. In so many areas he is so far behind. Alot of that has to do with his eyes but I haven't worked with him like I should have. He is no where near drinking out of a sippy cup and refuses to eat any table food. He will be 1 in less than a month and I worry so much about him. His left eye is turning in again which makes me want to cry too.

    I don't know. I am rambling about nothing. I am beginning to wonder if I am "depressed" but everytime I go to talk to someone they pretty much tell me I am normal...blah blah blah.
    *sigh* Anyway... I'll be fine. Just having a little pity party I guess.

    One of the few friends I do have just had a baby. A beautiful baby girl. I am definately not the "model" mother but I was in awe at some of the things she is doing. To each their own I guess but it is something that I definately wouldn't do myself. She has a daughter that is also 2 and she is still sleeping in the bed with them. As of this past week, the new baby is sleeping with them too. I worry about all of them on so many levels. I co-slept with both my kids part time when they were newborns (until about 6 weeks or so) but never both of them at the same time. They have never made daughter #1 sleep in her own room/bed. Numerous people have tried and failed to get them to do it sooner than later. Now #2 is there too. Their marriage almost ended a few months before she got pregnant and I am concerned it will in the long run. Her husband is getting tired of sharing the bed with 3 other people and I can't blame him. I can't even begin to imagine. I miss the cuddle time with my babies, but I definately cherish my time too. Bad Mommy! LOL

    Anyway...that's it for the random pity party. I had a bunch of other stuff that I was going to say but now I can't remember it. Oh well

    Later!

      posted at 5/31/2006 09:53:00 AM
      0 comments


    Here We Go Again (03/03/06)
    So...DH is mad at me again. What's new? He got up this morning and basically started picking a fight from the start. He says he didn't but when you get up and start telling me how to get the kids ready when I do it every morning without you I see it as picking.

    We have been waiting on our tax refund. We electonically filed so it was supposed to be in our account today. I have been excitedly waiting for it so that I can take care of bills, etc. And I am going to buy DD and bedroom suit since DS will be out of his crib by the summer I am suspecting. Anyway. At first he said that he was going to give me my half when the federal came in and he wouldl keep the rest for his half when it all came in from state. Well this morning he informs me that no, we will split what came in (after paying joint things) and that I'll get the remainder when it comes in. It isn't a big deal, but I hate it when he just changes his mind without even talking to me about it. And then I am not to say anything and just accept it. Was it the fair thing to do (split it as it comes in)? Sure! So I said something about expecting to get all my half now (which was true) and he blows it all out of proportion as usual. Now I am a horrible person and he is "repulsed" that I could be so greedy and focused on money like that. "His opinion of me has been changed forever". What a drama queen. I mean I love him dearly, but I hate that everything is so dramatic with him all the time. When it comes to how he feels/wants it is always black and white. It either is or it isn't. But if the tables are turned I have to be the flexible one. Grr!!!! Sorry but I was excited about getting a little bit of money so that I could pay off some debt and do some things for my family and the house (and maybe buy some clothes if there is anything left over). Maybe I just need to learn to keep my mouth shut? But I don't like to have to swallow my opinions on everything. *sigh* Is it even worth it?

      posted at 5/31/2006 09:52:00 AM
      0 comments


    The Good News or the Bad News? (02/23/06)
    Dang it! I just typed this long post and it is gone! Guess I'll start over.

    I took DS for his follow-up appoinment with Dr. Saunders. Good News~ His eyes are healing great. They are even less red that expected. Bad News~ The left eye is STILL drifting in slightly, though not nearly as bad as before. So...we have to keep an eye on it and he wants to see us again in two weeks. There in lies another problem...

    The receptionist was rude and wouldn't take her eyes off the computer screen long enough to even acknowledge us. I asked her if we could make it on a Friday and was informed that "Dr. Saunders doesn't see patients on Fridays". Must be nice! Then the first available appointment is on April 4th! That is six weeks away! I could live with 3 weeks but not triple the amount of time that he wanted. I am going to call the office tomorrow and see if I can get one for closer to the two week mark. That it totally unacceptable if I have anything to do about it! We'll see how that goes.

    Dr. Saunders said that if it continues that we will try patching/drops and see how that goes. If not, another surgery is suggested. DH is strongly against it and I know it will be a fight if he needs another one. He has said more than once that he will agree to one and that's it. We talked about it briefly on the phone, but he said that he didn't want to upset me. I told him that we would discuss it if/when we needed to. I am willing (reluctantly) to try one more surgery if the Dr. thinks that will be all that it takes. I don't want him to have to go through more than that though. So we will see.

    I am trying to stay positive. There is a remarkable difference in the things that he is doing in just the few days since the surgery. He is into EVERYTHING now and used his hands a lot more. I would hate to take a step backwards when the surgery really isn't that big a deal to him.
    Please keep my little man in your prayers. While he is alot better we are not at the end of the road yet.

      posted at 5/31/2006 09:51:00 AM
      0 comments


    His Eyes Are Straight! (02/21/06)
    We left the house at 5:45 am on 02/20/06 for Charlotte Eye Ear Nose and Throat Associates. I didn't even wake him up, I picked him up, wrapped him in a blanket and off we went. Of course he woke up and was looking around with a confused expression on his face. We arrived at the Surgery Center right at 6:15 am.

    We sat in the lobby for a good 30 minutes before they called me back to completed the paperwork. It felt like we were in the lobby FOREVER. DS was really good; especially for not eating since 5 pm the prior evening. At around 7:30 am they took us back to the pre-op exam rooms. Basically it is like a mini-triage with curtains separating the beds. They asked me a bunch of questions concerning DS's health (illnesses, allergies, etc), weighed and measured him, and gave us a gown to put on him. I wish that I had taken a picture of him with the gown on. He looked so cute!

    We were in the pre-op area for another hour. Turns out that another surgery was scheduled first at the last minute so he was second for the day. That kinda sucked, but DS was still being good. The nurses were commenting on what a sweet boy he was. He got a little fussy off and on, but as long as I held him and walked around he was fine. At around 8 am they gave him some medicine (Tylenol, Versed, and Atropine). It made him a little loopy at first, he was laughing and being silly but then he got sleepy. He was being so sweet, being all cuddly and looking into my eyes as I was singing to him. For some reason, the only song I could think of at the time was Frosty the Snowman! But he didn't seem to mind. He kept looking at me and touching my face. I almost started crying (he rarely looks directly in my eyes~ he's much too busy for that !)
    By 8:30 am he was asleep and they came to take him back. He never even knew that I wasn't with him. He was sound asleep when they took him to do the surgery. It was hard to say goodbye~ he looked so sweet and innocent. I gave him a kiss and we went out to the waiting room. We were told it would take about an hour before we could see him and that they would call us when they were finished with the first eye.

    DH and I were both starving so I ran to McDonald's for some breakfast while he stayed at CEENT in case they called. We sat, ate, and waited. DH decided to take a walk and right after he left (@ 9 am) they called and said that he was doing great and they were starting on the second eye. By 9:30 am Dr. Saunders was out in the lobby talking to us. He said that DS did great and was starting to wake up. He gave us some post-op instructions (ointment in eyes the first day and then drops 3 times per day until next week) and said someone would be out to get us shortly.

    I started to make him a bottle and no sooner did I get it done then they were coming for us. When we walked back there he was not a happy little boy! He had his eyes shut tight and was crying so I sat down and gave him his bottle. As soon as it was in his mouth his little hands grabbed a hold of it and it was gone in a matter of minutes! He was starving. We were anxiously awaiting for him to open his eyes so we could see. He was still hungry after the first bottle, so we tried to give him a jar of food, but he didn't really want it so DH made him another bottle. He drank ¾ of that one too! By the end of the second bottle he had his eyes open and was looking around. He looked so good! Much better than I anticipated.

    I held him for a few minutes while they rechecked his vitals and gave us more post-op instructions. They removed the IV from his foot (he did NOT like that one bit) and then rechecked his vitals one more time. They we dressed him and we were on our way home. We got home around 10:45 am and by 11 am he was bouncing around in his jumperoo like nothing ever happened.

    The rest of the day was a normal day. I fed him a jar of squash and put him to bed. He slept a little longer than normal, but that was to be expected. He ate dinner and played until bedtime. His eyes were starting to bother him around bedtime. They were watering and getting red so we put him to bed a little earlier. He slept all night until 4 am when he decided to play for an hour little booger. Other than the little bit of redness and the obviousness that his eyes are straighter now, you would never know that he had a surgery.

    It's amazing how resilient children are. I just hope that it was a success and we won't need any more surgeries. Only time will tell though. We go back to see Dr. Saunders on Thursday for a follow-up appointment. Hopefully he gets a clean bill of health. Even though I was scared to death, I am so glad that we did it and that it is over. Even though Dr. Saunders said that his vision wasn't affected, I wonder if it didn't delay him in some ways. This may just be a coincidence, but I have noticed since yesterday that he is clasping his hands together more and using them at the same time a lot more than he was. He is grabbing at things like crazy and DH found him standing up in his crib today! It may not have anything to do with it, but it is funny that he will start to do everything at once now. Gotta love him!

    BEFORE (January 2006) & AFTER (February 20, 2006 @ 11 am)


    See the difference?

      posted at 5/31/2006 09:48:00 AM
      0 comments


    I think they are possessed! (02/15/06)
    Happy belated Valentine's Day! I hope everyone got a hug from their sweeties!

    What a day...DS had his last eye appointment before his surgery on Monday. The degree hasn't changed (still @ 45 diopiters or whatever) and he is using his bad eye a little more which is good. I FINALLY asked the Dr what that 45 was and basically it is the degree in which the eyes are turning in. His have stayed at 45 the entire time which I was told was good. Dr. Saunders said that there are no guarantees, but that his prognosis was pretty good since he has a lot of things on his side. His vision hasn't been effected and he uses both eyes, just not at the same time. There is about a 20 hance that he will need additional surgery but I am being optimistic. I don't want my baby to be cut on more than once. As of right now his surgery is first thing Monday morning which is good. He will be mad if it takes too long since he can't eat beforehand. Anyway, please keep my little man in your prayers Monday!

    Of course he just got a cold too! So I had to take him the the DR to make sure that there wasn't any kind of infection that would make us reschedule the surgery. Nope, just a standard cold. I am definately switching pediatricians now though. I was on hold for 20 minuted before I could even try to schedule a sick appointment. This on top of them losing DD's paperwork twice....no way! I am outta there. Back to Dr. Patel's I go. I just have to pay them the $$ that I owe from DS's birth. No biggie! I missed them anyway.

    So, why are my kids possessed? Well, DS was all messed up yesterday anyway because Tonya was closed due to her brother dying. He missed his morning nap and was late going down for his afternoon one so that messed him all up. He wasn't eating well either for some reason. After his bath I gave him a decongestant. I think it pumped him up because he was acting like a wildman! Crazy boy! He yelled and thumped around in his crib for 30 minuted before he went to sleep! And then at 3:30 am he decided it was time to play. At 4 it was time to get up. Nothing I did could put him back to sleep. I was about to lose my mind! DH made him a water bottle ( which I DID NOT want to do for fear of creating a bad habit but we will see) and I gave it to him. After that he fell asleep on my bed. I might have gotten another 30 minutes of sleep. When I got up to get dressed of course he woke up and was crying like a madman. But I had to at least get dressed and brush my teeth! Geez! So then I feed him and he is happy again.

    DD is DEFINATELY 2! She is determined to put on her own shoes, but she puts them on the wrong feet and then gets mad. This am she falls off the bedtrying to put them on and then gets mad at me for trying to help. She got 3 spankings and a thorough yelling at too. I hate to be mean to her like that, but Mommy was definately NOT in the mood for a tantrum at that moment.

    Anyway, I am about to fall asleep. Now I wish I wouldn't have went anywhere for lunch. I could have used that time for a nap. LOL

    I'll post more if I get the energy too.

      posted at 5/31/2006 09:48:00 AM
      0 comments


    Ever?(02/09/06)
    I am beginning to wonder if DS will ever do certain things? He is such a bright baby, but so lazy. He won't eat table food. Won't hold his bottle well. Absolutely won't try to feed himself, not that I have tried really hard either. I was told last night that I have to try really hard to get him to crawl and not go straight to walking. Something about research showing that kids who don't crawl have trouble reading? I don't know if I believe that ....thanks lady. Give me something else to worry about why don't ya!

    His surgery is a week from Monday. I am really starting to get freaked out about it. I try not to think about it too much, but I am scared. I know that he will be fine, but they are still operating on my baby. Please keep him in your prayers! We go for one last check-up on Valentine's Day. I am hoping his surgery is first thing on the 20th...or they will see true evil.. LOL
    DH, the kids, and I went to Wednesday night dinner at church last night. We fed DS so that we wouldn't have to mess with him throwing a fit in front of everyone. Good thing we did because dinner didn't start until almost 6:30! DD did ok for having to wait so late. But I probably walked two miles trying to keep her occupied. She is doing pretty good with the pacifier weaning too. The only time she got it all day was at bed time. She had a melt down towards the end of dinner. She wanted more cake (mental note~ remove all traces of cake/dessert from the table prior to sitting her down next time!) and we wouldn't let her. Both kids were tired too since it was almost 7 by that time. DH ended up giving her a spanking and she was sobbing and asking for me and diddy (the pacifier) the whole way home. My poor baby! I know that she has to learn but it kills me when she does that sob/can't breathe thing. Sometimes I think that DH is too hard on her but I know that he just wants to teach her the right way to behave. It is hard to keep our cool when she is a writhing, screaming crazy girl. Gotta love her though. Nothing beats when she wraps those little arms around your neck and say "wuv you momma!".

    It snowed a little this morning. First snow that DD has seen where she could comprehend it. At first she wasn't impressed, but once we got to daycare she was throwing a fit to watch it. She kept saying "It's nowing mommy!" She left to watch it out the back window. Yesterday she did one of those things that make me never want to let her go. Those of you who are Mommy's understand.Usually I can't say goodbye when I leave her at daycare or she will throw a fit and cry. Well right as I was walking out the door, she runs up to me, gives me a big hug and kiss and tells me bye. I wanted to cry and stay there all day. Sometimes she can be so sweet.

    I seriously doubt that there is anything wrong with DS. But when will he hug me? Kiss me? I don't remember everything taking so long with DD. Maybe it's just that I am too busy to really spend the time with him? Guilty Mommy syndrome?

    Well, gotta go. Later!

      posted at 5/31/2006 09:46:00 AM
      0 comments


    Have To Face It (02/01/06)
    I have some to the realization that I have to face it...I am never having anymore kids. Becoming a parent has reduced me to a giant pile of mush when in the presense of babies. Even seeing one born on TV (ex: 7th Heaven this past Monday night) brings be to a sob fest.

    I think it has to do with the permanence that I will NEVER have any more children. While I certainly have my hands full with the two that I have and I love them dearly, if things were different (more money, bigger house, etc) I would love to have at least one more. I'm crazy I know. I just LOVE being pregnant! Even though my last one hurt like hell (epidural had worn off), I would do it all again. But DH has gotten the big V so no more for me. It really hit me the other night. And my baby is growing up so fast that I know before I can blink they will be gone.
    I have thought about becoming a surrogate, but I know I could never live with myself. Feeling the baby inside me and then having to just give it away? There is no way I could handle it. I really think that is what I miss the most about being pregnant. It is just the most intimate moment with you child. While others can feel them moving from the outside~ it almost like your little secret because no one else would ever know they were moving if you didn't tell them.
    Somestimes I dream of the day when I "have my life back" but I cherish my time with my children too. Who said being a Mom was easy?

    My daughter is now 2 and driving me crazy! I wish I could have taken a picture of her last night. She insisted on wearing her hat to bed. What a goofy girl. Did I mention that the hat is for a 6-12 month old?!? The sad thing is it still fits her LOL! She's a peanut though.

    My son is 9 months old now. I can't believe he will be a year soon. After months of worrying about him not talking, he has certainly caught up. He sits and babbles (or should I say yells) all day. It is the cutest thing. And he is SOOOO close to crawling. He can get up on his knees and will rock back and forth. He just doesn't know what to do with his arms yet. He has strabismus surgery on his eyes February 20th. Please say a prayer that everything goes well and that it will be successful.

    I am having 3 wisdom teeth and 6 cavities filled tomorrow. OH THE FUN! So I doubt I will be posting for a little while. Not that I post daily anyway. Keep your fingers crossed that it isn't too painful. Anyone out there had it done recently? How bad is it really? They have given me a prescription of valium so I hoping that it will make it so I could care less. I'm sure I will survive!

    Anyway, got to go!

      posted at 5/31/2006 09:44:00 AM
      0 comments


    Thursday, May 25, 2006
    SOULAPTROLPOULPATROLSOULPATROL!!!

    American Idol. I know that most of the world is sick and tired of it by now (at least until next season) but I must jump on the rolling bandwagon as it makes its way out of town.

    Is it just me or does he NOT look happy about this? Rah Rah Siss Boom Beh?

    I have watched almost every episode this season. All I can say is thank god it is over. Don't get me wrong, I like Taylor and I am glad he won. He is by far a better entertainer than Katharine. Will he sell millions of albums? Probably not, but hey that's ok too. I totally think that the wrong people were in the top 2. It was very apparent that Chris Daughtry (sp?) should have won, but he will do better on his own anyway. I can't wait to hear him with Fuel. Can Katharine sing? Sure. Is she hard on the eyes? No. But she was the most inconsistent singer of the top 5. She got there on her looks. And her professionally trained voice from the time she could probably talk.

    The Finale was filled with "guest" stars and surprises. While it is fun to see what they (the producers) can pull out of their magic hats. It was a little much for me. I would have been perfectly happy with an hour long finale. Other than the duet between Elliot Yamin and Mary J, I personnally thought they were not that good. For being "professionals"; they sure did let the AI kids show them up. It didn't help that most of them are old as dirt. Retirement anyone? I actually felt bad for Katharine as soon as the Loaf opened his mouth. Was his ear monitor not working or is he really that bad. Ouch! I am surprised that he was able to stay on key and harmonize with the man. Whoo wee! And how bout that duet with Clay Aiken and "Clay Aiken"? I thought it was kind of sweet, but at the same time you could almost see Clay wanting to run far far away. I totally thought that the wanna-be would jump into his arms at any moment. While I commend the AI producers for involving the memorable losers, I for one could care less if I ever saw them again. The only "surprise" was Prince. And in true diva fashion at that. It would have been much cooler if he could have sang with the finalist or something. I could totally see Kat singing the backup vocals with him and doing a lot better job than his little ho's slithering around the stage.

    But in the end the best man one (of the ones that were available). Taylor seems like a humble enough guy and yes...You DO make me proud.

    And if I NEVER hear SOUL PATROL again it will be too soon!

      posted at 5/25/2006 11:05:00 AM
      0 comments


    Wednesday, May 24, 2006
    Long Lost Me
    See? Didn't I tell you that I was bad at this blogging thing? I made this here blog to share my thoughts and feelings and then I never used it again. Actually, I forgot that I even had it. Sorry bout that...not that anyone is reading it at this point anyway. I would love it if one day my blog was as popular as some of the others out there, but I seriously doubt it ever will.

    One of my problems is I have too many of them. I have a MSN spaces account. I have TWO Myspace accounts, and this one. I am seriously thinking og NOT blogging in myspace anymore. It is nothing but a popularity contest for teens and a hook-up space for college students. How many Mommy's are REALLY on myspace? Not that many that I can tell. Granted I don't get to get online much and really look around since most of my internet time is here at work. Can't rant and bitch about DH when he is around can we? And he definately would be looking over my shoulder if I was at home. All the more reason for me to get a laptop and wireless internet at home. (But that is another story all together).

    Anyway... expect lots of posts in the near future. Heck..I might even hire someone to make my page cool. If money becomes available.

    Later Tater!

      posted at 5/24/2006 09:07:00 AM
      0 comments


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