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About Me


Name: Elleoz

From: Fort Mill, South Carolina, United States

I am 32 years old and have been married for 6 years. I had two children under 2 (hence the blog name), but now they are actually 3 and 2. Maybe it is time to change the blog name? Drama Queen is 3 and Wildman is 2 (15 months apart to be exact). I have a Bachelor's Degree on Criminal Justice from Applachian State University (Go Apps!) and have been at my current place of employment for going on 7 years.

My Complete Profile

Gotta Read Blogs
  • Whatever Blows My Skirt
  • Clusterfook
  • Apropos of Something
  • Pickleness
  • WouldaCouldaShoulda
  • Morphing Into Mama
  • Troll Baby
  • CPA Mom
  • True Wife Confessions
  • Hot House Mama
  • Mama? Mama Come Here!
  • Genuine
  • Unexplored Territory
  • Lil Duck Duck
  • Glamorous Redneck
  • Finding Yourself Despite Yourself
  • Cool Mom Picks
  • The Creative Soul
  • The Plumbutt Chronicles
  • Mommy The Maid

  • Terrific Tenants
  • My Life In The Kid Zoo
  • Finding Yourself Despite Yourself
  • Mama? Mama Come Here!
  • Mommy The Maid
  • Have A Great Rest Of Your Day
  • Its My Life...
  • Hot House Mama
  • Expressions of Love
  • Much More Than A Mom
  • Break In Sanity
  • I Want A Little Sugar...

  • What I Am Reading

    What I Am Listening To

    Friday, June 30, 2006
    Hey You!
    Hey you,

    Miss "I'm so responsible"! Thanks for standing us up on Tuesday night. A phone call saying I'm not coming or I'm not interested would have been nice. Then I wouldn't have left work early, and had a mental breakdown due to trying to rush the kids through dinner so they would be civilized for you. Thanks...thanks alot!

    Angry & Bitter Mommy

    So...after about a month of back and forth emails I thought that I had found the perfect part time babysitter for DD & DS. I had to reschedule a few times due to DH's ever-changing schedule, but we were all set to meet this past Tuesday. As you could probably tell, she didn't show up. Nice. And you want to watch my kids? Not in this lifetime lady. And the kick to the gut is that I was supposed to go to a day spa with a local Mommy's group for 2 hours of wine and pampering. Not happening now little miss. Thanks ever so much you little twit! (Like I said, I am a teeny bit bitter)

    So now I am back to the grindstone of trying to find someone to watch the kids every once in a while so that *gasp* my husband and I may go out and do something alone. Or I can do something alone. What a novel thought. By the time I find someone I trust, I won't have the need anymore.

    Isn't being a mommy fun sometimes?

      posted at 6/30/2006 04:05:00 PM
      3 comments


    Tuesday, June 27, 2006
    Breast Feed or Else
    A friend of mine brought this article to my attention and I just had to comment.

    I know that opinions abound concerning breast- feeding. I personally think that it is a personal decision. After reading the article, I was appalled at the audacity of the author and other supporters. And they wonder why the Le Leche League is labeled the “breast nazi’s” by many people. How dare they say that there is something wrong with my decision not to breast feed my children. I think that putting warning labels on cans of formula is the most intrusive and de-moralizing thing I have heard of in a long time.

    I have two young children. I so desperately wanted to breast-feed DD that when I was unable to continue due to doctor’s orders (she was not gaining weight, had jaundice, and was an extremely lazy eater), I spiraled into a deep post-pardum depression for weeks. I would sit with DD and cry because I felt like such a failure. I was meant to feed her, so why couldn’t I? What was wrong with me? I had read all the pro-breast feeding literature. She was going to be sickly, stupid, and fat because I was forced to feed her formula. The nursing consultants at the hospital did nothing to ease my anxiety, they only fueled my feelings of failure. They would call me and tell me that I needed to continue to breast-feed for the health of my baby girl. “She will get what she needs”, they would say. Never mind that the Dr. said to stop exclusively breast-feeding. I managed to pump for a month before I started giving her formula. I just couldn’t continue to hook myself up to that milking machine anymore. A month was better than nothing. I told the lactation consultants “thanks but no thanks” and “don’t call me anymore” and went on my merry little way.

    Then along came DS, 14 months later. He was a champion breast-feeder. He wanted to nurse ALL THE TIME. I was ecstatic at first. Finally I was going to be able to be a “real” mother and feed my child as God intended. Problem was, he wanted to eat ALL THE TIME. I couldn’t keep up with him. I knew that exclusively breast-feeding was time consuming and tough and I was willing to stick it out. However, I also had a 14 month old and was moving into a new house all at the same time. Between the two children and packing and moving I barely had time to pee, let alone eat and do the things necessary to keep my caloric intake up to produce milk. After a marathon 5.5 hours at the breast (I started at 11:30 am and he was on my boob until 4:30 pm with maybe a 30 minute break) and 1.5 weeks, I decided enough was enough. I loved DS dearly and I wanted what was best for him, but for my health and sanity I had to stop. I gave him to DH, walked to the sink, made a bottle and handed it to DH, all the while sobbing and again feeling like a failure. DH said I should pump again, but I wasn’t going to subject myself to that stress. This time I truly feel that I wasn’t making enough milk for him. It took me exactly 3 days to completely dry up.

    I do think that breast milk is a lot better for them than formula. Anything that is coming straight from the mother is going to be better. It is full of antibodies to fight infection and hypoallergenic. However, to say that formula is hazardous to our children’s health is going too far. If it were unsafe, it wouldn’t be on the shelves. And it has gone a long way from when we were infants. We may be a society of over-weight and unhealthy people, but it is my opinion that if parents would parent and make their kids get off the couch and exercise and eat decent foods (instead of McDonald’s) all the time then we as a nation would be healthier. It is just another way of passing the buck to someone else for our failures. Sure I am over-weight, but I don’t think it has anything to do with the fact that I was a formula fed child. My mother was breast-fed and she is over weight too.

    As far as the health issue. I believe that a majority of it depends on the child. For example, my DD has had multiple ear infections and she gets several colds per year. As stated before, she was breast-fed for 1 month. On the other hand, my DS has had 1 ear infection and 2 colds in his life so far. He was breast-fed for 1.5 weeks. They both go to the same day care and are around the same people. To me, that blows the whole “breast-fed babies are healthier” out the window. I feel it is just a way for the “breast nazi’s” to force-feed their views on those that do what they do.

    To those that were able to successfully breast-feed their children for 6 months (or longer), congratulations to you. You, evidently, are more of a woman than I am. I applaud you for being able to provide what you children need biologically. I wish I could have, but it was not meant to be for my children and me. But we are doing just fine thank you very much.

    What is your opinion? Did you breast-feed or give the evil juice?

      posted at 6/27/2006 09:46:00 AM
      4 comments


    Friday, June 23, 2006
    Beach Trip PIctures
    As promised... Here are a few pics of me and the "youngin's" from last weekends trip.


    DS Playing in the dirt


    DS & DD Taking a break


    DD or Elton John Wanna-be?


    Mommy (that's me) and DD

      posted at 6/23/2006 04:06:00 PM
      1 comments


    Thursday, June 22, 2006
    We're Back!!!
    Did ya miss me?

    The family unit and I went on a little mini-vacation this past weekend to Myrtle Beach. Vacation capital of the south. Yee haw! It was a lot of fun but way too short. Two days is just not enough time to get a vacation. About the time you get situated and start to relax it is time to pack up and go home...literally.

    DH booked our hotel using one of those discount websites. I think it was www.cheaptickets.com , but I am not positive. We thought that we were getting a decent hotel since it wasn't the cheapest available. Heck, it had a micro/fridge and a Super Start breakfast. What more could a momma ask for right? Whoo wee were we in for a treat. Here is where we stayed...

    http://www.super8.com/Super8/control/Booking/property_info?propertyId=03849&brandInfo=SE

    Do NOT stay here unless you are desperate! I called a few days before we arrived to check out the crib situation. I specifically asked if they had crimbs and was told yes. I asked if they were porta cribs or pack n plays. I just don't trust those flimsy porta cribs and they never have crib sheets. I could just bring an two pnp's if I needed to. I was told they were pnp's so great. One less thing to bring. DD sleeps in a twin bed at home but it so much easier when on trips to put her in a pnp so that we can stay up if we want to and watch TV. Well, we get there and there are a million kids and hispanics running around. It is probably the second dirtiest hotel I have ever been in. Probably the smallest too. But hey, we were only there to sleep right? A short while after checking in they bring the "pnp" up. It was a damn porta crib. But I had to make do. DS will survive for 2 nights and DD can sleep in the pnp since she is heavier. The TV had a million channels but it was so old that we could not hook up the portable DVD player thatI bring to entertain DD while cooped up in the room. There was no alarm clock to be found so we had no idea what time it was unless we looked at our cell phones. And the Super Start breakfast? Don't get me started. There was waffles, Sugar Frosted Flakes & Raisin Bran, cheap ass powdered sugar donuts, toast and english muffins. That was it. I get better breakfast at the Ramada in the middle of no where than this. And DS won't eat any of that. Thank god I thought to bring some oatmeal for the poor boy or it would have gotten ugly. Needless to say we went out for breakfst the second morning.

    We head on over the Myrtle Beach State Park to where DH's cousins are camping around 5:30 pm. It is really nice and has its own beach so it isn't as crowded as downtown MB in the summer. Of course they aren't there yet. They are late for EVERYTHING and it gets to be so annoying but that was ok. We had to pay $8 just to get in. (We made it a point to get a campers pass so that we wouldn't have to pay the next day.) We took the kids down to the ocean and some of DH's other cousins were there. They took Josh to the water and let him put his feet in the water. (I'll post some pics as soon as I get off my butt and download them off my camera). He liked it but was a little unsure about the waves. But in usual DS fashion he took it all in stride. I tell ya the kid is fearless. I am in sooo much trouble in a few years. DD was another story. Last year she didn't want anything to do with the sand or the water. I can say we have made an improvement. She loves the sand now but will not put so much as a pinky toe in the water. You have to hold her the whole time. It got old rather quickly. DH's primary cousins show up around 7:30 pm and start to set up the camper. We chill with them until around 9 then head to the hotel for baths and bed.

    The kiddos get their baths and we out them to bed. DD is morethan ready and keeps telling me "night night Mommy". She lays right down to sleep. My son, of course has other plans. He keeps standing up and crying because he can see us and it is much more fun to be with us. Did I mention neither one got an afternoon nap? So he finally went to sleep. I took a shower and went to bed around 10:30. I don't think I slept 4 hours total. Worst night sleep in a long time.

    The next day after our "super" breakfast we headed back out to the campground around 9 am. We were going to the Flea Market with his cousins. It took said cousins until 11 am to get going so that we could get to the flea market. As soon as we get there we have to stop for lunch. My kids will not go hungry! They will chew your arm off and pierce your ear drums in the process. DS feasted on chili cheese fries and DD had chicky nuggets and fwies. Health fun, I know. We walked around for several hours. By the end the kiddos were exhausted and way past nap time so we asked cousins if it would be ok if the kids crashed in the camper for awhile to take naps. "No problems, of course". So we stopped to get the pnp for DS and on to the camp. Well, they beat us back and as I was trying to get DS to sleep, dear cousin decided it was time to clean the camper.

    Uhh, hello? You said my kids could take a nap? I was so annoyed. And I was trying to hurry so that I could go to the beach for an hour or so, alone, to enjoy the ocean and sun before dinner. But she-cousin wouldn't leave the camper. So DS got absolutely NO nap that day. Let me tell you it wasn't pretty.

    As we were visiting we kept commenting on how we wished that we would have just brought he tent and camped there. It was so nice weather wise (highs in the mid-80s) and DS loved playing in the dirt. He was dirtier than I have ever seen him in my life and he loved it! He was crawling, rolling, throwing and eating dirt all day. My own little pig pen! Too cute! And the little booger stood up by himself for the first time too! Why does he always reach some milestone when we are out of town? He rolled over for the first time at 4 months while we were camping in Niagara Falls NY last summer.

    Needless to say, we are now looking for a pop-up tent camper. So if anyone has one for sale, let me know. Next year we will be staying at the campground. It may be in a cabin, a tent, or our own camper but no more hotels for us. Camping is much more fun. I'm ready to go again. Glutton for punishment I know.

    Any of you have camping stories to share?

      posted at 6/22/2006 02:26:00 PM
      0 comments


    Thursday, June 15, 2006
    Frikken Wegos!
    You have to check out one of the funniest blogs around! Karen...you so rock! Go and check her out right now!

      posted at 6/15/2006 03:19:00 PM
      2 comments


    Tuesday, June 13, 2006
    Just Another Manic Monday
    Well, ok technically it is Tuesday, but it sure does feel like a Monday to me. It's cool and rainy and I am literally falling asleep at my desk. Only 30 more minutes. If only I could have stayed home and slept all day. Heaven I tell ya!

    Our weekend was ok I guess. Lots of highs and a few lows. Wouldn't be my world if there wasn't I guess. My nephew B spent the night Friday night. DH had him all day and they went to Walmart and did "guy" things. Whatever that means. He ordered pizza and we all had a good laugh at the kids expense. DD sure does love her some B. DH decided to take B and DD to the movies. They went and saw Cars...lucky ducks! I wanted to see it, but someone had to stay home with DS. There is NO WAY he would sit through a 2 hour movie. Heck, I can't get him to sit still for 10 minutes unless he is deathly sick.

    They got home around 9:30 pm. As I was getting ready to put DD's diaper on she looked at me and said "poopy Mommy". "No baby, you didn't poopy", I told her. "DD potty"? Ok! So off to sit on the potty we went. Now we haven't really tried potty training much to date. She will sit on it, but has never done anything in it yet. And pull ups? Yeah, forget about it! She sat there for a little while and then she made this face. Next thing I hear is a steady little trickle. My baby pee peed on the potty! We were both so excited! She had to show daddy and then wave it bye bye. Too adorable. But no more pee pee since then. I am not pushing the issue at this point. But she is getting there. s.l.o.w.l.y.

    I got a phone call from my Mother Friday evening. My Mother never calls unless there is some drama. Long story short (it would take hours to type it all)...my grandmother "Nanny" died two months ago after years of bad health. My Mother and my aunt have never gotten along well. My Mother is addicted to pain medication, on disablilty, and is pretty much worthless for most things, but she has a heart of gold and she is my Mother so I love her. About 10 years ago I got into some financial trouble (no thanks to my mother) and my grandparents took out a loan of $6,000 to bail me out of it. I had every intention of paying them back but the money was never there. I put myself through 7 years of college and will be paying for this here education for the next 30+ years.We are talking $60,000 here. OUCH! My aunt got wind of it and has been hounding me and my Mother about it ever since. Why it is any of her business ultimately, I'll never understand. "My Mother is a horrible person for never helping out her parents (she did, just not as much as maybe she could have), not paying them back every dime that she has ever borrowed from them, etc and I am just as bad because I never paid them back the money" blah blah blah. It says in my grandparents will that each of the grandkids (3 including myself) get $10,000 of their estate when my pa-paw dies. Well, after Evil Aunt tells my Mother what a worthless piece of crap she [Mother] is, she then goes on to say that we (my mother and I) are going to rob her kids of their inheritance. I was, and still am, totally flabbergasted. I forgot that I was NOT a part of the family and the ONLY grandchild for over 13 years.! Whoo wee how could I forget?

    I don't really care about the money per se (not that I couldn't use it) it just where does she get off saying and thinking those things about me? I am a horrible person because instead of paying them back (after they said don't worry about it) my husband and I bought a home and I got my first new car ever? Oh, I'm sorry ...my kids are supposed to live in a shack and be driven around in a piece of crap while your children continue to live a life of name brand priviledge. My bad! Bitter? no, not me? Since meeting DH and graduating from college over 6 years ago I have not asked anyone in my family for anything. I have dug myself out of a huge financial whole and now have a great life and almost spotless credit. All on my own.

    I hate that it has come to this. Spewing hate and jealousy from people that are supposed to love me. My Nanny is probably turning in her grave and crying buckets in heaven. I am trying to be the better person here and not be bitter but I am so over it. I can't take the drama and I won't be made to feel guilty because I have finally done something with my life. If she wants to dissolve that relationship that is up to her. *sigh* Can I trade Evil Aunt in for a newer model?

      posted at 6/13/2006 03:58:00 PM
      3 comments


    Friday, June 09, 2006
    Raw Fish


    Sushi anyone?

    I had sushi with a good friend of mine from work today for the very first time. I'll let it be known that I am not a big fish eater. If it smells at all like a fish or is that rubbery, squishy consistency I ain't eatin it. So I was really skeptical about the thought of eathing raw fish. Not to mention that it is soo complicated. Way too many choices to choose from. Did I mention it costs too much too? My friend ordered a little of this and that so that I could try a few things. I ordered Chicken Teriaki with rice and veggies, just in case I couldn't handle the sushi. Didn't want to waste my lunch hour and walk away hungry too. I think she spent $35.00. Granted it was ALOT of food, but still. That much money on lunch is crazy!

    I had a California Roll, some kind of Shrimp Roll thing, and a Rock Hill Roll (native to here I guess). I didn't die, but it is definately not something that I will rush right on out and eat again. It is still sitting in my stomach like a lump. Ugh!

    Anyway, to those of you who love the sushi...there will be more for you thank you very much. I'll take my fish fried please.

      posted at 6/09/2006 04:22:00 PM
      1 comments


    Thursday, June 08, 2006
    Isn't She Lovely

    My little girl...

      posted at 6/08/2006 03:38:00 PM
      0 comments


    I Kinka Can
    DD has become obsessed with The Little Blue Engine That Could. She is a TV junkie. Bad Mommy! She watches Choo Choo Twain (I'm southern remember) and Puppy Dog (101 Dalmations or The Fox and the Hound) daily. Last night we watch Choo Choo Twain twice. And the kid knows all the words and says then about 2 seconds behind them. Except I Think I Can is now...I Kinka Can, I Kinka Can Mama. Too cute!

    DS said his first word(s) last night. DH swears he didn't but I heard him. He loves to throw the coaster on the floor, pick them up and bang them on the coffee table. Oh, and ring around the coffee table is a fun game too apparently. Well, last night he was doing the nightly coaster toss. He looked at me, smiled his cutest dimpled smile, and said "I get it". Little booger. He is going to be the one that doesn't say anything until he can say full out sentences. That sure beats the following me around the house screaming that happens every night as I am cooking dinner. Ugh! I keep telling him that as soon as he learns to feed himself that he will be able to eat till his little hearts content.

    I Kinka Can, I Kinka Can, I Kinka Can.

    Ok, need to get to working now. I am so waiting on them to ban me from the internet.

      posted at 6/08/2006 09:11:00 AM
      0 comments


    Wednesday, June 07, 2006
    I'll Never Get Over You Getting Over Me
    I know it's cliche' and probably a bad early 90's song (remember Expose?) but it is a suitable title for how I am feeling right now.

    I haven't had this blog long enough for anyone to really know me yet, but I think that most everyone can put their selves in my shoes in some respect. Growing up I had lots of friends, but no boyfriends until I was 17. R was my first everything and we were together for 4.5 years. I guess you would say we were high school sweethearts. We started "going together" the last week of our sophomore year in high school. When it was good it was really good. We were great friends for months before we started dating and shared most of the same interests. We were inseparable that first year and still remember the bliss and excitement I felt when I was with him.

    Of course, being young and insecure I tended to blow things way out of proportion and hold on way to tight. No way did I stand for him doing anything without me. To me it was short of death and a true sign that he no longer wanted me. Today, I cherish those moments when I can go and do something by myself, but being "young and in love" I wasn't happy unless he was right beside me 24/7. How sad is that anyway? Soon enough that ugly green headed monster peek up and then tried to swallow us whole. As anyone who has been there can attest...it isn't pretty and is a guaranteed death sentence to a relationship. Sure enough, we started having problems. I have learned from that experience that if you accuse someone of cheating long enough they will more than likely go ahead and do it. Hell..you already think they are so why not? Not the right thing to do, but it happens. I'm true testament to it too.

    We both were musicians and auditioned at the same schools. Naive me thought we would be together forever. Hell, I even gave up a scholarship to follow him. I loved ASU (go Apps!) but I have to wonder what life would have been like had we gone to separate schools. Oh well...things happen for a reason. At the beginning of our sophomore year in college I noticed that he wasn't around as much and was always busy. I could never get a hold of him when I needed him (this was before the time where EVERYONE had cell phones ~ I'm showing my age now!). Thinking back (and later conversations with R) I knew something was going on and there were clear signs that something was hinky but I was in denial and a part of me didn't care as long as he didn't leave me. I was so insecure that I thought that if he left me I would never find love again. Isn't true love grand? Well, I finally let the inevitable (I know that isn't spelled right) happen and we officially broke up the last day of finals of my sophomore year, 1995. I had the car packed (I was moving back home with my Mom. I just knew that I would die if I had to see him again) and as soon as we said our goodbyes I headed down the mountain. It actually wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I think that I had mourned the relationship over the past few months since I had a feeling it was coming anyway. (You would think that the fact that he told me he wanted out 2 days before Valentine's Day would have been a clue huh?)

    Over the next month or so I wallowed in my self-pity. Then I started working back in the same town and saw him on a regular basis. Now I didn't talk to him but I did see him and would seethe at him and his new/old girlfriend as they ate their Nacho Supreme's. I went on to enroll in UNC-Charlotte and moved into an apartment at the beginning of the year. Everything was fine and dandy.

    Then he called...

    As it turns out he couldn't live without....my friendship. I was hard being around him at first since I still loved him. He had since broken up with HER and it looked like we could at least be friends. I always had feelings for him but it was ok that we weren't together anymore. I was so proud of myself for being mature and not letting my feelings get in the way of a friendship. Maybe we were just destined to be friends? All I knew was that I was happy to have him back in my life; as long as I didn't have to watch him make out with another girl we were all good. We saw each other through some tough times and breakups and share more than a few alcoholic beverages and laughs. There was even a brief (I think 2 day) time where we were *considering* getting back together. [NOTE: Considering equaled making out during a drunken night and saying we would be "friends with benefits"]. Thanks Dan for talking him out of it...I really appreciate it!

    Two years later I transferred back to ASU. I really wanted to get out of the present situation (abusive boyfriend and unsavory friends) and concentrate on getting my degree. Not to mention I missed the mountains. ASU is in the heart of the Blue Ridge Parkway and has the most beautiful landscape around. Nothing bets fresh mountain air. Plus I figured, if nothing else at least I had my long time friend there to lean on. I saw R on a frequent basis but managed to make my own friends too (Love you Ruth!) and finish my degree. Other than R wanting to date my roommate (again Ruth..thank you for NOT liking him back) things were great.

    Then I met my now husband. Now- I have to say this before I go any farther. I LOVE my husband with all my heart. He is a wonderful man and I adore him. I have accomplished so many things in my life and I know that I couldn't have done it without him. He was truly sent to me for a reason. Besides, I wouldn't have my two absolutely beautiful children if it weren't for him. So no matter how annoyed or pissed at him I get, I am eternally grateful for everything. I love you boo!

    That said. Once I started dating husband I was all absorbed like everyone is when they are "in love". Nothing and no one else mattered. It didn't help that my honey doesn't believe in "being friends" with someone that you have once dated. When I really think about it I understand why. It has the potential to stir up feelings and what husband would want to hang out with another man that you know has banged your wife? Not too many even though I know plenty who have and do. The hardest part was that I was expected (and still am) to say goodbye to the best friend I ever had. Sure he had done me wrong and taken advantage of me on numerous occasions, but that still didn't mean that he wasn't my friend. To this day I think he knows the real me better than anyone else, even after all these years. But R ended up moving to Texas to follow some girl he met at band camp so I thought that I would never talk to him again. I thought about R often but life goes on.

    I am happy with my life as a whole. I love my life and I have been so blessed. I love my husband. I love my kids. I really wouldn'tt trade any of it for the world. I guess I just feel like something is missing. I don't know who I am anymore. There is no more me. Only Wife and Mommy. The damn TV and movies portray marriage as this happy, gushing, my husband is the most wonderful and helpful loving man on the planet, and my reality isn't that way at all. (Who's is really?) Sure I love hubby and he loves me. He does things daily for our family and me and I am eternally grateful. I can't put my finger on it. I guess the spark is just gone. I don't LOVE him right now, I just love him. I want it back. I don't like feeling like it doesn't matter if he is around or not and things being easier when he isn't home at night. In our big fights he has threatened the big D, but I know that he doesn't mean it. But I can't help but think sometimes ~what if? But I push that out of my mind because I don't think that is what I really want.

    It all boils down to I need to find ME again. I think if I can then I can find us. And I need to stop all communication with R. Don't I? It certainly isn't helping matters any. I just miss him. I can't help it.

    Damn that was long. Sorry about that. I just thought I needed to give you the whole history and I tend to get long winded. If you are still with me~WOW!

    Has anyone else felt this way? What did you do? What do you think? This just sucks!

      posted at 6/07/2006 12:06:00 PM
      0 comments


    Test
    Pay no mind to the man behind the curtain!

    I am just confirming my blog for inclusion into Technorati.

    ahem- Testing, Testing, 1...2...3...
    Technorati Profile

    Done.

      posted at 6/07/2006 12:01:00 PM
      0 comments


    Tuesday, June 06, 2006
    Life After Gastric Bypass
    Recently, over at a great blog that I read daily, we were discussing weight and diet. I would venture to say that most Mom's know exactly what I am talking about. The dreaded "baby weight" that one can never seem to get rid of once the baby is out of our bodies. For mine, it is almost like my son is still in there. I swear to you, the other day I put on a dress that I hadn't worn since I was @ 3 months pregnant, and it I didn't stand perfectly straight and suck in the gut I had that round baby belly again. It was insane. I mean people on the street probably think I am preggers. How embarrassing is that? So...baby weight clubbers unite! We must shed those unwanted pounds at all costs!

    In May of 2002 I had gastric bypass surgery. It was the best and toughest decision I have ever made. Pre-surgery weight I was about 370 and miserable. I now weight around [cringe] 260. At my lowest post-op I weighed 230. Now I wouldn't have said I was miserable then, but looking back I totally hated everything about my life. Since then I have lost around 150 pounds prior to having my children. I am told that I don't look anything like what I once did. I'll have to post a story about that at another time. Remind me to tell you about my 10 year high school reunion.

    While I am extremely proud of my weight loss (even though not so much at the present time) there are many out there that don't agree with what I have done. I remember prior to having the surgery I had to be selective in who and how I told people about my upcoming life change. So many people tried to talk me out of it saying it was dangerous or that I could "lose the weight on my own if I just tried". I wanted to punch them in the face. I had been trying to lose it on my own- for years. Dr. assisted plans, counseling, weight loss drugs, Weight Watchers, etc. Nothing worked and I would just gain it all back plus another 10 pounds. At my initial surgery consult I was told that the odds of someone who is morbidly obese losing the weight in there own is somewhere around 3%. This is a reason why there are so many people in the US alone that are considered "super-sized".

    For those that are in this category, food is an addiction. Just as an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol as a comfort or way to deal with life, a morbidly obese person relies on food. There are different reasons why people become that large, but none of us have healthy eating habits. For me, I turned to food any time there was emotion involved, particularly sadness. As a society, most events in life have food associated with them in some way. Think about it, what do you do when you have people over? Eat! Family get-togethers? Eat! Movies and television shows portray women with a pint of ice cream whenever they are having a bad day. Food is everywhere. And it doesn't help that, unlike alcohol, it is a substance that we must have daily in order to survive. Water, food, clothing, and shelter. The four essentials. Not a good thing when you have an addiction to it. Yes, it is in large part about knowing when to stop, but that is easier said than done. And once you get to a certain point, your body needs those calories to sustain itself (at least in your head it does).

    Anyway, Easter Sunday 2002 I talked to someone at church that had the surgery and she looked fantastic. By the end of May I had my surgery date. (I won't bore you with all the details about what the surgery was like, etc and so on. If you really want to know let me know and I can discuss it with you in detail in private but I don't want to write a novel here.) To those in the world that think it is an easy way out...think again. You try only eating 4 oz of chicken broth and jello for two weeks when all you want is a Big Mac. Getting to drink milk and eat pudding is like Christmas! It isn't the physical hunger that is difficult. To this day I rarely get "hungry". I can literally go more than 12 hours without feeling hungry most days if I keep busy. I tell people that are about to have it done that the hardest part even to this day is the head hunger. You want to eat all of it so bad that you can't stand it. It tastes soooo good and if you could just eat one more bite. Well, odds are that one more bite will send you running to the bathroom. I equate my new "stomach" capacity to that of a newborn baby. What does a newborn do when it has eaten too much? Burp and throw up. Same here. Not to get too graphic but our stomachs just don't work the way they used to. Food isn't broken down by all that acid. <warning: graphic content ahead> So while when you do throw up it doesn't smell bad, it is essentially just chewed up food. I can say that I can tell exactly what I overate because it tastes the same coming back up as it did going down. Lovely thought huh? I'll stop now that I have made you sick to your stomachs.

    But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes. Having gastric bypass is NOT an easy way out. It is a decision that I must live with for the rest of my life. Since having two kids in less than two years, I have probably significanlty stretched out my stomach from where it was since I could eat more while pregnant but to this day I can't eat an entire cheeseburger happy meal at one sitting unless I sit there for at least 30 minutes. Both my two year old and my one year old can out eat me at any meal. Crazy but true.

    So the moral to this little story is... if you happen to meet someone who says they have had or will have gastric bypass surgery, please think about how it will effect their lives and remember...

    If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all!

    Here's a before and after pic (sorry I don't have a recent full body shot)....


    Me @ 378 (05/2002) Me 7 mo preggo with DS (02/2005)


    Me in Nashville TN (11/2005)

    Can you tell a difference?

      posted at 6/06/2006 09:22:00 AM
      4 comments


    Friday, June 02, 2006
    When Will It Stop?
    I haven't posted about this yet because I was hoping that it would stop. I know that complaining about it will make me look like the world's worst Mommy but I can't help it. DD has been sleeping through the night (except the occassional ear infection, teething, etc that comes along with a baby) since she was 8 weeks old. Well, for the last 2 months or so (it has gone one for so long that I have lost count) she has been waking up at least once a night. Usually about an hour after I go to bed and almost always for cup. The incessant "CCCUUUUUuuuuupppp, Mommy" for what seems like hours on end. I know if sounds petty when there are hundreds of Mommy's out there who would kill for a year and a half of sleeping nights. I am spoiled....sue me.

    I have been wracking my brain to try and figure out what it is all about. She was NEVER put to bed with a bottle. [That is a whole 'nother soap box tangent in its self] I have no idea where this "I have to have a cup in the middle of the night" is coming from. At least it is just water, but boy am I in trouble when potty training time comes. I thought maybe it was her big girl bed, but no...she was sleeping fine before. Was it the bookcase that I moved in there? No she was waking up before it was put in there. Maybe she is getting too much sleep at daycare? Nope, she did the same thing after limiting her naps over the long weekend. All I know is that it is getting old. I even took her to the Dr because I thought that she might have an ear infection again. Not that either. I am sure the Dr laughed all the way to the bank with that check. I should be thankful that the waking up multiple times throughout the night has stopped. That was about to drive me batty. I wouldn't really care that she wanted her cup if it wasn't right where she could reach it. The kid is over 2 years old now. She is big enough to roll over and get it herself, but NOOOO Mommy has to give it to her and put it back again before she falls back asleep before I can get to the door. Little booger. And before you say it...crying it out doesn't help. She will go on forever. And then I end up with 2 little ones screaming because she wakes up DS.

    I am at the end of my rope. I just can't figure it out. If anyone has any suggestions I owuld love to hear them.

    Here's keeping my fingers crossed that I get some sleep tonight.

      posted at 6/02/2006 03:37:00 PM
      1 comments


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