Plain and simple.

Last night was one of those nights. Without going into great detail about how it all went down since those that were present already know I will just say that me and no sleep do rotten person make. DQ has had a cold for the last few days, but I was under the impression that she was well on the mend. Boy was I wrong! AM worked almost 28+ hours straight Wednesday into Thursday so needless to say he was exhausted. After he got off work at 2 pm he went home and crashed. This is totally understandable. I picked up the ol’ stand-by Taco Bell and fed the kids dinner. After eating, I loaded them up and took them over to the IL’s so that AM could rest without getting woke up by screaming kids and a barking puppy.

We get home and I get the little angels *grin* into their PJ’s and in bed by 8 pm. I then settle down, fold some clothes, and watch some trash reality rehab TV. About 10:30 pm I hear DQ crying. She says her ear hurts so I give her some numbing ear drops. I should have expected this since every time she gets a cold she also gets an ear infection. A few minutes later she is still crying and I give her some Tylenol. Yet another few minutes later, just as I was lying down, she starts crying again.

I would love to say that I was the loving, doting mother but I wasn’t. By this time I am frustrated, tired, and ready to go to sleep. After two days of being the lone parent I am ready to pass the torch to Daddy. I was ugly and I am ashamed. Reluctantly, I pull on a sweatshirt and sweat pants (which I later found out had a HUGE hole in the inner thigh- sexy) all the while fussing and complaining about having to take her yet again to Urgent Care in the middle of the night. Like I said, not a pretty sight.

By this time AM is awake, and he is like a Mama Bear that has been made to rise from her hibernation when he gets woke up in the middle of the night. Add that to him being exhausted and me being a brat and it does not end well. Since I was already in a snit I decide (like a dumbass) that I need to inform him that we will be hosting my MIL’s “Surprise” Birthday Party the following evening but that if it runs late I will have to leave since it will interfere with my Dog Obedience class. I really shouldn’t have said anything because it had no bearing on anything and I should have know that it would turn ugly, but I was sleep depraved as well and obviously not thinking. I wasn't even mad about the party to be honest. Anyway...To this statement, he tells me that I don’t have to go and I reply that since I am not allowed to make it up any other time that I will be going. That statement was the last straw, and I was told that I would not have to worry about it anymore because I would be giving the puppy to someone else or he would.

I am going to stop right here and provide a little history. You see, AM didn’t ever really want a dog but being the good husband that he is he wants his wife to be happy (and stop nagging him constantly) so he gave in and told me I could get our puppy Max. I don’t think that he (or I) realized how much work he was going to be. But I lurve him so I put up with all the puppy crap because I know that he won’t be like this forever (and I have invested a small fortune for this little furball and DQ lurves him more than I do). I haven’t been the easiest to get along with even on my best of days, and apparently I have been stressed out more than usual and have taken to yelling a. lot. more. I don’t realize it most of the time, but it must be happening because last weekend we had a discussion about the puppy. AM stated in no uncertain terms that I have to stop yelling or the dog is gone. No more yelling at the dog. No more yelling at the kids. No more yelling at the kids about the dog. And I have to work with Max to get him to chill out and leave things alone. Since then I have made a concentrated effort to be better. I have had a few relapses, but overall I have reduced my bellowing and worked more with Max. At least I think I have.

Back to last night. The admonishment of the dog further fueled the flames and it turned into a rather nasty fight. All in front of DQ. I think that was the worst part. After arguing about who was going to take her to the Urgent Care, I grabbed her up (I was already dressed anyway) and took her. After two hours of her screaming in pain the lobby, she was given a prescription for antibiotics, some ear numbing samples, and a OTC Cold Medicine for her ear infection and we were on our way back home at 1:00 am. She slept in our bed until 3:30 am tossing and turning. She finally went to her own bed and slept with the TV on and a heating pad under her pillow case. She will be fine in a few days, but I really am sorry for the way I acted. Now I feel like the most horrible mother in the world.

So now I don’t know where I stand with AM and the dog. I really don’t want to give him away. I am going to stop that bitchyness...NOW. It is ruining my relationship and interfering with my happiness. I have become incredibly attached (so has DQ). I had a momentary huge brain fart and totally regressed and I am really sorry. The crankiness last night really had nothing to do with the dog at all. I was tired. Plain and simple. I don’t do well with no sleep. Not a good excuse, but it is all I have. I was going on being up 20 hours myself and just wanted a bed. Horrible I know.

AM, if you are reading this…I am sorry that I was an ass last night. You work hard and give me everything I ask for. I know that you were exhausted. It was wrong of me to wake you up like that. I know that I mess up a hell of a lot, and you still love me anyway. I may slip up every once in while (ok, I slip up alot), but I am trying I swear. Can we please just pretend it never happened and leave it as a bad night for all? I love you and thanks for everything that you do for me and the kids. I truly do appreciate it.

Labels: Max, spoiled brat, stupidity