Thursday, October 02, 2008
Banned From Church
Well, not exactly church but church activity none the less. Wild Man apparently is living up to his nickname and can no longer attend children’s choir at our church. They just started a new program for all the children to learn songs weekly and perform them once a month for the congregation. They even wear matching shirts…how cute. I was really excited when I found out about the program. Both my kids love to sing and they love going to the church so I thought it would be a great opportunity. And I really wanted to find something for WM to do, since his sister is now taking dance classes. Perfect opportunity right? I thought so too. Classes started about a month ago. The first two classes seemed to have gone well. No bad reports and both kids seemed happy. Then about 3 weeks ago, the teacher started speaking to me right after class about my son. The first time it was about him having an accident during class. I always take them to go potty right before class so that they don’t have to stop to go to the bathroom during the 45 minute session. As usual, I took them to the bathroom and dropped them off in the classroom. I found a nice quiet spot and read some more of my book. When class was over, I went to pick them up and she had this look on her face and told me that he had had an accident during class and they had to take him to the potty. I looked at him and was a little confused. He still had on the same clothes and they didn’t seem soiled to me. She stated that he had to go #2 and had diarrhea (Sorry if TMI). In the back of my mind I thought it was a little absurd to even bring it up but I let it go. I realize that my children’s bathroom habits aren’t fun times for others, but he is three for goodness sake! At least he told you he had to go and didn’t go in his pants. If that was the case, I would completely be disgusted too. Heaven forbid a parent and/or leader of the church should have to assist a young child under their watch. I just looked at her, told her thanks and went home. I really still don’t see what the crime was in the whole thing. The second instance was last week. I’ll admit that WM was having a bad day. He had already gotten in trouble at school for not sharing his toys. It is something that we are having to work on. He has a really bad temper at times. Anyway, I was hoping that he had gotten past it and would have a good time at choir. Apparently not so much. After class, I was again confronted (in front of the other parents again I might add) that WM had a bad day and threw a fit and wouldn’t share the mallets when they were playing with the bells. I apologized for his behavior and he was punished when he got home. A stern lecture, no toys, no TV, and a spanking for starting again when he got home. He has been on good behavior since then and hasn’t even gotten in trouble at school. I thought that the worse was behind us. Then there was last night. We stayed for Wednesday night supper at the church before choir. After they ate their chicken nuggets, chips and cake I sent them on their way and reminded WM that he had to be good and share. He said ok and off he went. I decided to hang around and take a few peeks to see what was going on in the class room. I noticed that Ms. “Priss-pot” teacher that obviously doesn’t like my son was chatting away with the other teacher for a good portion of the class. Curious, I got up to see what was going on. By the time I peeked, they had started singing. All the children were sitting on the floor singing and doing hand movements. All of them except my son. He was crawling on the chairs and not participating at all. Drama Queen noticed that I was watching and waved and WM noticed too and sat in the chair and looked at me. I waited a few minutes and then snuck around to another side of the window so they couldn’t see me. Again, the same thing except this time WM looked like he was about to cry and very unhappy. And where were any of the teachers? Totally ignoring him. There are three in the class and there might have been 10 children in there ranging in age from 3-5. Of course at the end of class she was waiting for me. She told me that he isn’t participating and is a real distraction to the other children and maybe it would be better if he didn’t participate in the choir this year. She went on to say that DQ might even listen better if he wasn’t there. I apologized for his behavior and told her we wouldn’t be back. I hate to say it, but she looked relieved. I tried to remain calm and not let it bother me, but the longer I sit and think about it the angrier I get. I understand that he can be a handful. He is all boy all the time. He doesn’t like to sit still and isn’t happy unless he has something in his hands. But as a parent, I am severly disappointed that the leaders of the class (I just can’t call them teachers when they are obviously not trained as such) don’t have the will or skills necessary to help my child succeed. I did not witness any attempt to make him feel comfortable in the class or to get him interested in what they were doing. They might have tried, but it didn't appear that way to me. Would it have killed them to sit on the floor with him and make it a little more exciting for him? I would have been more than happy to sit in the class and try to get him to participate and enjoy the class. Instead, I feel like the main leader had made up her mind weeks ago that she didn’t want to be bothered with him. I emailed the music director and told her we were pulling out of the class and the reason why. I haven’t heard back from her yet. Am I wrong to be upset? If I am that’s ok, I can take it. What would you have done? It breaks my heart that yet again someone is pushing my son away. No wonder he has a hard time sometimes. All his life he has gotten pushed to the side so that my daughter could get all the attention and it isn’t fair. He is not a bad little boy. He is sweet and sensitive. But he is also a typical three year old boy. He is rough, rowdy, and loud. I can’t say that he never misbehaves because lord knows he does. But all he needs is a little attention and he is an angel. If he was that bad then the teachers at this daycare would love on him as much as he does. They all tell me how sweet he is. I even asked his new teacher, Ms. Debbie, if he say still and participated in story time and music and she said he always listens and loves to participate on music days. I am just at a loss. I was so looking forward to watching them sing in the Christmas play and the Spring musical. I know that I wanted them to be in it probably more than they want to at this point, but I want them to both be active and well rounded children. It is just so frustrating. Grrr….. And on top of that the whole family went to church last Sunday and felt shunned there as well. When we went to drop the kids off at the nursery at 10:45 am for the 11am service (I wasn’t going to try to make them sit through until the Children’s Message) we were told that they couldn’t go in a certain classroom that was clearly full of children their age and had to stand around and wait until they figured out where they were supposed to be. We haven’t been active in the church since we joined, but we go every once in awhile. One of the most important reasons we joined the church was so that the kids would have the opportunity to do things in the church. Well, obviously that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. We haven’t found anyone or any group that we feel is a good fit either. AM and I discussed re-visiting our old church to see if things had improved any. At least there we didn’t feel like we didn’t belong. It just sucks to have to start over yet again.