I went and bought myself a new van. WHOO HOOO right? Well...not so much.

Alpha Male finally agreed to let me look and possibly buy a new van. We do have two babies after all. Well, Tuesday night was the night. We went to location #1. What a joke that was! I was told that they could beat any other dealerships deal within a 6 hour radius. I should have known to steer clear after they couldn't/wouldn't give me a quote over the phone (unlike 2 other local dealers). We got there and right off the bat showed them a competitor's add with the sales price and said we wanted to look at something in that price range. An hour later, they still hadn't told us the price of the van and kept "explaining" to us about negative equity and incentives. All we wanted to know was the price of the van after rebates and incentives. My trade-in has nothing to do with what the starting cost of the van is. Then they insult me by telling me that my 2005 car is only worth $5000. Now I understand that it isn't worth the $11,700 that I owe. But only $5000? I don't think so. The old dealer gave me $5000 for my 2002 car two years ago with double the amount of miles. Needless to say, we got up and left. We didn't even drive one and we were there almost 2 hours! And its a shame too cause they had the color I wanted.

On to location #2. It was on the way home and the internet sales lady was really nice. I called her and told her what the deal was. At 9pm they were doing their pitch. They were a little more generous with my trade-in and it was a really good deal. But I couldn't really afford it. Back and forth we went. Finally, it was within reach but still more that I originally wanted to pay. Isn't it always like that though? AM and I talked about it. I thought and thought. And of course they kept throwing things in the mix. I kept telling myself that I couldn't afford it. But would I listen to myself? Heck no! It was shiny & new and I needed a van for hauling my kiddos around. And I seriously thought that if I did without a few things that I could afford ot. So I signed on the dotted line. What I really did was make a deal with the devil.

For hours I laid awake after getting home thinking "What the fuck did I just do?". I thought it was just new buyers anxiety and it would go away. No such luck. Here I am almost 2 days later and I want to take it back. But I can't. There is a little bold paragraph that says there isn't a "cooling off" period. Basically, I can't just change my mind. After talking to AM last night and shedding many a tear, I found out that according to what I paid in monthly expenses I would be in the negative with the additional $100 in car payments. I gathered the courage to call the dealership and tell them I wanted my car back. Ummm...no. They have already sent the paperwork in. I now own the van. Thanks but no thanks ma'am.

Well shit! What do I do now? I was told I could talk to the General Manager, but there really wasn't anything that they can (read will) do. I have been literally sick all day. AM stated that I better find a way to make the payment. The best plan was to save $2000 and re-finance through my credit union. All fine and dandy except how am I expected to save money when I have none? I have a few things that I can sell, but nothing worth $2000.

So, I came up with a short term solution. Turns out that I qualify for an Economic Hardship Deferment for my student loans. I can defer the payments and interest for up to a year. That will save me $400 a month. So I am going to bust ass and pay off all my outstanding bills so that when the year is up I will have some money saved up and I won't owe anything else. I currently have a personal loan with a payment of $145 a month so that money can go towards the van payment and it won't be any more money coming out of my pocket. And the insurance went down by almost $200 so that is a a good thing too! But this all still sucks! And deferring my payment is only postponing the inevitable.

But I won't be this broke forever. The loan is for 7 years, and the kids will be in school and out of diapers before then. So no more daycare or diaper costs right? Of course I don't want to think about how much my loan will be by then. Maybe I will win the lottery!

And then there is the counselor. I must have pissed her off last week when I had to cancel at the last minute. I had a valid excuse. I had to meet with a co-worker in reference to a grant that expired that day. Work had to come first. Well, I have called to re-schedule THREE times, and she has yet to call me back. I am going to call tomorrow and complain to the referring agency. I mean, if she has a policy that if you cancel without proper notice fine, but she could have at least called me back. So that sucks too!

So...for those that have been asking. That is what is going on with me. And that is why you haven't seem me around. I am here having a mental breakdown!

I hope everyone else is having a better day/week than me!

Until next time.....don't eat fuzzy pickles!